[fallen from grace today]'s diary

809792  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2006-06-17
Written: (4896 days ago)

Hey yea'll...well im leaving to go to the east coast for 2 weeks tomarro morning...so if im not on that often well it means im partying it up a lil to much...but yea ill try to be on to chat for awhile...so yea peace out....

741643  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2006-01-31
Written: (5033 days ago)
Next in thread: 741648

Hey everyone sorry about my last entery. i was at a breaking point and i just couldnt handle my shit any more. me and two of my friends watched me at my breaking point at school b/c my best friend said the truth and i did not want to hear it. but i talked to one of my old friends and i got shit figuredout and i say my god daughter yesterday so that made me happy she is so fuckin cute. but yea i g2g ill right back later

740828  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-01-30
Written: (5034 days ago)
Next in thread: 740833

Dear Everyone,
Im sorry for this letter but i have to do this. im sorry to all of my friends for all the pain ive ever put you through. im sorry to diann b/c i love you with all my heart but i was the one that put you throu allot of your pain. im sorry russ i loved you with all my heart but it diddnt mean anything to you and it is tearing me apart in side and i cant handle it anymore im sorry for every getting you in to this. i just cant keep on putting on my happy face when it doest work anymore iit just doesnt fuckin work.kayleigh all i ever wanted was to make you happy but i cant do it i wish i could. u told me that i could but i cant. i just dont no any more i cant live nowing io hurt you. and damien i gave you my heart you were my first love i trully cared for you but you just had to hit me and do that shit to me you have totally killed me there is nothing left of me any more. i gave my heart and souk to you and russ and you both tore them apart so now i have came to the conclusion that im the rreason why everyone hurts so im going to remove the problem.
so to all those who cared i love you and goodbye. and to those who diddnt i hope you can live your life noing your the reason i left.
Forever gone,
Shawn William Motherway

702179  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-11-21
Written: (5104 days ago)
Next in thread: 702189

okay i havent talked on here for quit awhile. but im just really fuckin stressed cuz of this weekend so i m just going to right it on here since no one else will listen to me. ok has anyone ever love someone and you have no reason y. but anyways i have and im still stuck ok this weekend i was at a dance and within the first 30 minutes of being there i was told so many different stories about my boyfriend and i finally got so fucking streesed i broke it off. and im not usually the one to listen to what other people say about me and shit but i had all of my close friends say im fuckin stupid and all of this shit trying to put me down. but anyways back on topic... but now i want my ex back but hes starting to spread some really stupid shit and everyone is getting pissed off at me abou it now. but what ever not like anyone gives a flying fuck about me so srry for wasting your time.

Suicidally yours
Shawn aka damien devon

638064  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2005-08-03
Written: (5214 days ago)
Next in thread: 655285

OKayfor a Pre warning this will not be a good diary of my past week:

Ok so far this week my boyfriend got out of jail his roommate kicked him out and i have no way of getting ahold of him. but to day ayt work he called and my boss hung up on him TWICE. so hes stoped calling me. im going to wefest tomarro so i will be gone for a week. but my whole family is here and they ALL ARE GOPING TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just dont care anymore its either gonna be their life or my own. im not going to explain cuz it will take me like 50 illion hours. but tomarro im going to work, kill someone, go home, drive to friends hous(o yea i just got my permit), kill another person go shopping, then go to wefest. I MISS JASON.........
Diann i love you so dont be mad at me for what i almost did.
it looks like feel when f = w and l = d
I LOVE YOU ALL BUT DONT BE SHOCKED IF IM EVER ON AGAIN
PEACE OUT

636543  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-07-31
Written: (5217 days ago)

You don't Know

You say im a fake
a freak a crybaby
but you dont know
how it is to loose some one you care for
someone who you just might love.

You say "i know what your going through"
but you dont
you are not me you do not know what i feel
you dont know what a lost one does to you
ecspecially a loved one

You've never lost a loved one
to you he's a freak
to me his my one and only
you say its stupid
for me to care that he left

But no you are the freak for being so closeminded
Have you ever lived your life getting close to someone
and then they left you
in so many ways
Suicide, murder, betrayal no you dont know

you dont know how it is
to love
to feel
to care and then
to loose

You say im heartless
no im faithless
it has been torn away from me
from the ones that i loved
and you dont know how that feels

so before you judge be for being
a fake
a freak
a crybaby
loose some one that you loved

cause you dont know
you just dont know
how i feel.

634664  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2005-07-28
Written: (5220 days ago)
Next in thread: 634846

it happens to other people. You say how sad, you say poor thing. But when it's you it's something else. It's everything. You'll never know the nightmares. Never know the pain you caused. You'll never see the scars you left. The things you stole. Everything was lost. You took my body. Tore it in half. You took my childhood, my heart, and my laugh. You took everything I kept for myself. Then you're gone. I'm not your poor thing. You took my body. Tore it in half. You took my childhood, my heart, and my laugh. You took everything I kept for myself. Then you're gone. I'm not your poor thing.

-pms-poor thing

633081  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2005-07-27
Written: (5221 days ago)

Cant pretend that your nothing special
You've got to look at all of your options
You cant decide what to go for
When its all about trust
Its all about trust

You see yourself on the TV
You read your magazines
You cant explain how its come to be this
Stop and think
When its all about trust
Its all about trust.

This coverage
Your centre spread You're centre spread
Your neon light daydream
Will shatter and break Will shatter and break
And if you think I'm thinking of your value

thinking of your value here
You're the one
You're the one who's losing control
Whoa

This eventual stop this
Break in the mold
I scream down this hotline just to feel something
This eventual stop this
Break in the mold
I scream down this hotline just to feel something

This situation isn't getting any better
I see the look in your eyes the look in your eyes
You want to see a pretty face the mirrors will lie
There isn't anything wrong with giving up
and for what it's worth
I still hate you

Whoa
This eventual stop this
Break in the mold
I scream down this hotline just to feel something
This eventual stop this
Break in the mold
I scream down this hotline just to feel something

Just to feel something something
Just to feel something something
Just to feel something something
Just to feel something something

This situation isn't getting any better this situation
I see that look in your eye
This situation isn't getting any better this situation
I see that look in your eye
This situation isn't getting any better this situation
I see that look in your eye

-FFAF

631463  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-07-25
Written: (5223 days ago)


I can't run anymore,
I fall before you,
Here I am,
I have nothing left,
Though I've tried to forget,
You're all that I am,
Take me home,
I'm through fighting it,
Broken,
Lifeless,
I give up,
You're my only strength,
Without you,
I can't go on,
Anymore,
Ever again.

My only hope,
(All the times I've tried)
My only peace,
(To walk away from you)
My only joy,
My only strength,
(I fall into your abounding grace)
My only power,
My only life,
(And love is where I am)
My only love.

I can't run anymore,
I give myself to you,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry,
In all my bitterness,
I ignored,
All that's real and true,
All I need is you,
When night falls on me,
I'll not close my eyes,
I'm too alive,
And you're too strong,
I can't lie anymore,
I fall down before you,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry.

My only hope,
(All the times I've tried)
My only peace,
(To walk away from you)
My only joy,
My only strength,
(I fall into your abounding grace)
My only power,
My only life,
(And love is where I am)
My only love.

Constantly ignoring,
The pain consuming me,
But this time it's cut too deep,
I'll never stray again.

My only hope,
(All the times I've tried)
My only peace,
(To walk away from you)
My only joy,
My only strength,
(I fall into your abounding grace)
My only power,
My only life,
(And love is where I am)
My only love,
My only hope,
(All the times I've tried)
My only peace,
(To walk away from you)
My only joy,
My only strength,
(I fall into your abounding grace)
My only power,
My only life,
(And love is where I am)
My only love.

631461  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-07-25
Written: (5223 days ago)
Next in thread: 638102

Any body tell me if you no what this says:

Estoy tan cansada de estar aquÃ
suprimida por mis temores infantiles
y si tienes que irte
me gustaria que te fueras nada mas
porque tu presencia todavÃa perdura aqui
y no me dejará sola

estas heridas parecen no sanar
el dolor es muy real
hay mucho que el tiempo no puede borrar
cuando lloraste seque todas tus lagrimas
cuando gritaste ahuyente tus miedos
y he sostenido tu mano todos estos años
pero todavÃa tienes todo de mÃ

solÃas cautivarme
con tu resonante luz
pero ahora estoy limitrada por la vida que dejaste atras
tu rostro me caza en mis sueños placenteros
tu voz se llevó toda la cordura en mi

estas heridas parecen no sanar
el dolor es muy real
hay mucho que el tiempo no puede borrar
cuando lloraste seque todas tus lagrimas
cuando gritaste ahuyente tus miedos
y he sostenido tu mano todos estos años
pero todavÃa tienes todo de mÃ

he tratado tanto de decirme que te has ido
y aun asi estas conmigo
he estado sola todo el tiempo

631459  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-07-25
Written: (5223 days ago)


The words have been drained from this pencil
Sweet words that I want to give you
And I can't sleep
I need to tell you
Goodnight

When we're together, I feel perfect
When I'm pulled away from you, I fall apart
All you say is sacred to me
Your eyes are so blue
I can't look away
As we lay in the stillness
You whisper to me

Marry me
Promise you'll stay with me
Oh you don't have to ask me
You know you're all that I live for
You know I'd die just to hold you
Stay with you
Somehow I'll show you
That you are my night sky
I've always been right behind you
Now I'll always be right beside you

So many nights I cried myself to sleep
Now that you love me, I love myself
I never thought I would say this
I never thought there'd be
You

627437  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2005-07-20
Written: (5228 days ago)

"All I Do"

Wassup
How you doin?
I've been seeing you from across the room
And you know, I just need your attention for a few minutes
Is that cool with you?
Yeah? Ight
Check it
Listen

I can't wait to get to school each day
And wait for you to pass my way
And bell starts to ring
An angel starts to say "hey that's the girl for you
So what are you gonna do"
Hey little girl
I love you so
(whoa whoa)

All I do is think of you
Day and Night (that's all I do)
I can't get you out my mind
Think about (all the time)
All the time

I begin to take the long way home
Just so I can be alone
To think of how to say
That my heart is here to stay
Hey I'm in love with you
I think the world of you
So won't you please, please be mine
I want...

All I do is think of you (baby)
Day and night (all the time every night and day)
I can't get you out my mind (my mind)
Think about (think about you all the time)
All the time

(Uh)You know what girl?
I'm in love
I can say it, yea I ain't scared I,I,I'm in love
People tell me I'm too young to be in love
I know what I'm feeling
And this is real
I dont know what it is
But I cant stop thinking about you

I think about you all the time
All I do is think of you (baby)
Day and night (day and night baby ohh)
I can't get you out my mind (I can't get you out, I dont want you out, I just want you in my life..)
Think about
All I do is think of you (All I do is think, about you day and night I can't even sleep)
Day and night (without you in my life)
I can't get you out my mind
Think about (all the time)
All the time

All I do is think of you
Morning when I rise, when I sleep at night
Day and night
I can't get you off my mind (I can't get you out... my mind)
All I do is think of you (ohhh)
Day and night
I can't get you out my mind (I don't want to)
Think about (everything in my life)
All the time


627436  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2005-07-20
Written: (5228 days ago)


Alone in this house again tonight
I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine
There's pictures of you and I on the walls around me
The way that it was and could have been surrounds me
I'll never get over you walkin' away


I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let got of my pain
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry

Would it help if I turned a sad song on
"All By Myself" would sure hit me hard now that you're gone
Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters
It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better
But I'll never get over you by hidin' this way

I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let got of my pain
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry

I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let got of my pain
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry

562495  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2005-04-27
Written: (5312 days ago)

Scars
The scars still exist through all of the thoughts
They still remain there even when I don’t feel such pain
They will exist forever and eternity
With the burning insation to make them bleed for once more
So you can remember for life that I had no life
The scars will remain
In my thoughts,
in my dreams,
and in my life,
they make me remember every thing I did and went through
they will remind me of all of my friends and family
and even all of the ones who hate
the one’s who love to judge and hate the kids that are not like thereselfs
the ones who are fucked up in the head
and think of the worst when the best is right in front of there faces
when they wake up thinking what kind of hell is going to happen today
and then put on there happy face and fake the rest of the of there day,
just so those can think that you can care and have feeling
when really I don’t
cuz have you ever felt so much pain that nothing will matter ever again
that your life is full of fake smiles and laughs
just to make the world happy
when really you end up finding your self by your self
at no ones side to keep you
in there thoughts
having a fight with your self to start or not
when you felt so much pain that you’ve
practically gone insane
when you think to your self that what your purpose
is to feel like hell for eternity
is to be tourtured by society
like you’re the worlds clown
is it to keep everyone else from being bored?
b/c I no I have felt it ever minute of my life,
and then in the end the scars are found wide open
with no explanations to the world
besides the little notes carved on the side of his arm
that happens to say “I hope everyone will live happily for life without me in it”, and on the other side “it was everyone with dought.”
And on his chest carved back words “the end” with him lying in front of a shatterd mirror

 The logged in version 

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