[cryingout4help]'s diary

988710  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2007-11-01
Written: (4427 days ago)

MY MOM ABANDONED ME! and she thinks im going to forgive her that easy! think again!

984280  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2007-10-17
Written: (4443 days ago)

[shadowyzman] THE BEST GUY! the best most amazing person i know or have ever known! don't mess with him or i will KILL you! thank you....have a nice day :D

940478  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2007-05-18
Written: (4595 days ago)

the one that holds ur attention, the only one who knows the way to ur heart, u can never let go of, they say that nothing is impossible, but that action is

937111  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2007-05-06
Written: (4606 days ago)

A Bad Dream

Life comes to an end, or so it seems. Everything happens, like in a bad dream. All my problems come at once, making me feel much like a dunce. Pieces of puzzles, long past lost. Everything’s missing, but at what cost? Why even bother to make things right, give up wanting to fight this fight. Don’t even bother just because, everything happens the way it does. Its just not worth it, or so it would seem. Just letting things happen, like it’s a bad dream.

937109  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2007-05-06
Written: (4606 days ago)

Do You Hate Me?

So answer me… do you hate me? Girls may be hard to figure out, but guys are even harder. You never know what’s running around in their mind. You can never tell if they’re upset or not. They hide it well, and at the same time cause you so much pain. They never tell you, they just let u cry at night. So tell me if you hate me, don’t lead me on. Let me stop these tears. Do you enjoy my pain, you know I cry each night, you know I hurt so bad. So do you hate me, or is this just a game. Let me know, I don’t want to be a pawn in this board game. I don’t want to be your property, and I’m not. Don’t just pass me around, and show your friends your prize. Tell me do I mean anything to you, like you’ve said in the past… or do you hate me?

~Samantha Jo Walker
~5/6/07

937108  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2007-05-06
Written: (4606 days ago)

Life Before You

I have an unusual talent, which is the fact that I can look into the deepest depths of my soul, past the scars and tears of memories gone bad. All the pain, from all those years, and insult here, an insult there. It’s not hard to relive the torment and pain I went through, but to remember the end of the day, when I ran home, grabbed my razor out of the secret hiding place in my music box, under the ballerina, turned off every light I owned except one single match, when I tore under my covers and covered any part of my body that remained to show with anything laying on my bed at that time, I swiped the match across my jeans, a small bright flame would burst into the cold brutal air, I grasp it in the rigid end of my teeth and as fast as the blink of an eye I grasp my razor and swipe it as if it were a credit card, deep, fast, and hard across the threshold of my wrist, whether my sleeve is up or down, as it knaws at my flesh I watch the dark, warm blood dribble down my arm and soak into my shirt, so dark, nearly black, it pours down faster and faster yet, staining my already blood dyed sheets. Stained with my fears and the fluid of blood, the blood looks as if it were a stream, letting out all the pain. I cry, but not because of the scars it will leave, but the scars I have acquired due to the day at hand. And what drove me to this insanity, the mere thought of going back “there”, puts the recently occurring thoughts of suicidal death back into my head, once again. And then, in a snap, all the lights go out. Within just seconds a brash burn appears on my lips. The match has died. “That”, remembering “that” was the most painful thought… I lay quivering, crying, “that” was the most painful memory. For the reason that until you drifted into my life, I thought it helped me, but all it did was hurt me more. It was too painful for the reason that I assumed that nobody cared. Then you came and I was loved. You genuinely cared, and it WAS love, that had brought us together. Love had come upon us, and we were saved. The year that passed, that year I used that painful method had suddenly evaporated over time. I was free to cry for happiness, all this pain, we no longer needed to re-live. The pain we once had suffered, we lived so much alike, for years not knowing each other, and not knowing each other, and never knowing that somebody had and was suffering a similar fait, this was our fait, not only that, but our destiny.

~Samantha Jo Walker
~1/21/04

937106  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2007-05-06
Written: (4606 days ago)

Life’s Curse

A day is a day, just another curse. Never better but always worse. Another day to remember the past, memories which will always last. New friendships full of lies. Hidden truths in disguise. Being so close, but yet so far. Never leaving without a scar. So ending life all alone. If I had only known… always hoping for the day in which I finally get to say, a day is a day, not just a curse, always better but never worse.

937104  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2007-05-06
Written: (4606 days ago)

Oceans of Sorrow

Oceans of sorrow in which I swim, waiting for life to reach the brim. All I wanted has come and gone. Gave way, easy as night to dawn. Spending life all alone. If I could only have known, that when I met you I’d never forget your loving life. Showing no regret. Your beautiful smile filled with hope and joy. I only wish I wasn’t this coy. Maybe then there would be no fear. And then I’d finally have you near. To have and to hold. I’d make sure you’d never be cold. But until that very day, the ocean is where I’ll stay. Watching things that have come and gone. Like the night, has changed to dawn.

937103  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2007-05-06
Written: (4606 days ago)

The First Time

The first time I laid eyes on you, I fell in love, I felt as if an angel had granted my wish from up above I thought about you constantly, night and day, your sweet words filled my mind and took the pain away I'd wait for you to come online, even if it meant staying up late. And when you'd finally arrive, I felt your warmth, I knew that it was fate. The joy in my heart when you told me you felt the same way. Nothing could remove the smile from my face on that beautiful day. This poem could never explain how much you mean to me. How I long for your kiss how I want you in my destiny
I love you.

937102  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2007-05-06
Written: (4606 days ago)

Is it Right or is it Wrong?

Do you ever get that feeling in your gut? The feeling that you know what your about to do is wrong? But still you do it anyways… and sure enough, your feeling is right. Something goes wrong, how do you get out of the mess you just got yourself in? How about when you get that a different feeling in your gut, that you know that what you want to do is probably the right thing to do… but you do the complete opposite… and once again you have to find away out of your mess… it’s never an easy thing to do, you’ll lie and hide it, you’re just digging your own grave. So how do you know… Is it right or is it wrong? Hard choice, but somehow you always screw something up, and you always let somebody down, the people that mean the most to you.
It feels like your always hurting them, and it kills you inside. I ask myself how do I stop this? You try so hard, each and every time, trying to think… Is it right, or is it wrong? I’m screwing up, but I never mean to, I know I’m not the only one out there. I’m not perfect, but I want to be so bad, I want to make them proud, but I always let them down. I cry each night, looking out my window, at the stars, trying to find an answer to my problems. They never come to me. So every night, I taste my salty tears. In the dark I cry, I cry as softly as I can, but I can’t hold back these tears.
Is it right, or is it wrong? It’s always haunting me, the past, and reliving all my mistakes each night. A new one added to the list with each passing day. Soon I can’t sleep, the past haunts me. I try so hard to forget, and just start fresh. But no matter how hard I try I fear I’ll never know… is it right, or is it wrong? It used to be so easy when I was young. So answer me this, is it right or is it wrong?

~Samantha Jo Walker
~5/6/07

936943  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2007-05-05
Written: (4607 days ago)

Love is a funny thing, it can hurt u... hurt u bad, but it makes u feel good inside the majority of the time, their kiss makes ur heart fly. When ur in bed with them your head is on their shoulder and your hand on their chest. You can fall asleep so easily laying in their arms. taking a walk on the beach with them could turn out to be the best day of ur life. The simplest things they do for u, they mean the most. The fact that your safe and that they'll be there for u whenever you need them, feels incredible. walking hand in hands, you just never want to let go... you can look at them and let all fear and pain go. They just stroke your hair and you'll cuddle on the couch for hours at a time. A movie can turn into more than that. When ur sick and throwing up, they hold your hair back. simple things like a hug mean so much more. You never want to say goodbye and good for you, you'll never have to. They smile at you and you lose all self control. They've probobly been your friend for years, strongest realationship, cause they've seen you at your worst. You've cried in front of them and they keep you close, hold you tight and wipe your tears away. You mean more to them than anybody or anyting else. they love you through the fights, the screaming matches, the good and the bad times. You can say the meanest things, things you know you don't mean, and they won't care, they'll still be there. Love really is a funny thing.

936932  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2007-05-05
Written: (4607 days ago)

An Ocean Apart

When the lights go out in my room, I sit in the darkness as a tear from my left eye and another from my right fall slowly down my cheeks...I remember what my life was like before u came into it, as I look at my bloodstained sheets and the scars, bold, deep, and daring that lay flat across the threshold of my wrist.... I wonder what my life would have been like if I had never met you...and then I cry, it is to painful to even let the thought of life without you even cross my mind, but as I cry a cold wind blows through my windows, as I look through the windows from the wind that had drawn me there, I see endless possibilities, and then as the last wind blows I feel as if you had kissed my cheek although you are still an ocean away, my love will never die, your kiss a kiss you send by wind pulls a smile to my face, a genuine smile that has come from within... as I smile and think of you... I fall to the pillow and dream of you, as the smile remains on my face the entire time... but this dream does not last just the night, it lasts an eternity, for you are my future ... a future I would die to finally live!

11/07/2005

~By: Samantha Walker

936930  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2007-05-05
Written: (4607 days ago)

I Love You More Than You’ll Ever Know

True Love can be and is an amazing gift that not many get the privilege to receive. It’s mysterious and wonderful, happy and even sometimes scary. It’s the most extraordinary feeling that you can ever experience. You never know what will happen next… it’s most defiantly not predictable.
When you meet that person… what you would call your other half. That person you define as your true love. Love can be blinding but true love is not debatable, you know there and then. When you’re not under a title that labels you “involved” and each of you are with another, so many different feelings arise and come to life… when you talk and even when you don’t, you can feel jealous and maybe even mad. Of course you’re sad and you could be upset. One might cry themselves to sleep each night.
The only thing you hope and dream is “I hope that one day you’ll be mine.” You have your fears that you may never be. Years may even pass, you may not talk and at times you may. Time would be your worst enemy and defiantly feel like a punishment.
But this thing… the thing that saves you two is your love, the love that remained so strong. Your feelings that stayed strongest yet was your love, the hope, trust and belief that, that one beloved dream day, that in your heart you knew would come. Your love has never died. You would give your life for theirs.
And because you are my true love, no time is too long to wait. Money could never be an object. I could wait an eternity to lie in your arms. I could wait till the last day of my life to taste your sweet lips. I could wait just as long to gaze into your eyes, to hug you, to meet you in person and cry from happiness, just to have you wipe my tears and hold me tight and have me feel safe. To gently stroke my hair and skin, to say to you in person “I love you, I love you more than you’ll ever know.” But until that day I whisper those words to myself.  
~By: Samantha Walker……12/29/2006

936929  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2007-05-05
Written: (4607 days ago)

My Heart


So many things I’ve wished I’ve done, but so little time I had. So many things I want to do, but never got the chance. So many dreams lie unfulfilled; do I even have an opportunity? So many goals and aspirations, I fear that they will never be. I’ve worked so long to get only this far. Been hurt so much by all those guys, I never thought I could give my heart, full and ready and all as never before.
Then this day I never expected, came knocking on my door. At first I was a shocked, a little hesitant, but I never showed those feelings. Those feelings then I thought showed weakness, but now I learned they separate the good from bad. For some reason that day however, I felt the love within my heart. It grew and grew with each time we talked. I never had that feeling with anyone else. It at time got scary and at times it was fun. But even through the ups and down, that feeling stayed so strong, it never left, it never faded, it never went away.
I’ll never forget the way I felt, and how you did make me feel. You warmed my heart with each passing day. You made my dream from when I was a little girl come true, you swept me off my feet, you made me feel like I was Cinderella leaving with her prince. Every girl I believe would want a guy like you. But luckily for me I hold your heart, just as you hold mine. Every time I talk to you I smile, whether I’m mad or sad, happy or upset. Sick hurt. No matter my emotions, you were always there to help.
So here’s my thought and here’s my words, read them with caution, keep them in heart. You make my heart jump, jump for joy. I look forward to that day we are together, oh how far it lies.

~Samantha Walker
~1/14/2007

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