[TheSwedishBot]'s diary

1082086  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2009-06-09
Written: (3573 days ago)

We didnt realize how far they would go
An unforseen future is what we must deny
Doesnt matter what the intent was
When we are sinking to the bottom
My mind is slipping away
And Im left alone in shame
Im coming alone
Last man standing in a field of scorn
So come on

I have seen beyond the heavens
I have felt the strengh of chaos
I have reached the point of sanity
I welcomed the blackness that filled my soul
I was blessed by the madness of the Anarchy star
This is my destiny
The choices I have made
No hope, no fear
Do you dare open your eyes, see whats out there?
Do you dare to close them again, and see it reflect in your mind?

I breathe spears, unleashing a pulsating storm of steel
Sulpher floats in my veins
My eyes burn with fury
Carbonised into my heart
I shiver in cruel ecstasy and laugh the madmans laugh
Returning now with diabolical strength
And a vicious grin on my face

Human is a degrading word
As human, I renounce myself
I yield to no man, there will be no peace
Not on Earth, not amongst men
Be content
Soften yourselves
I look beyond weakness and fashion
Confide not in flesh
If I cant change the world
I'll disregard it and look beyond
Pray to calm the heart
Pray for the fools
I will be at peace
I am not a man
And your actions will speak alone.

They tell me the oceans are too wide
But what they are trying to say...
Is taking its toll deep inside
Im starting to slide...
They tell me the road only goes so far
But what they are trying to say...
Is twisting and tearing at my heart
Im falling apart

Shes never been in love
She always gave it all away
Lonely lady, lovely lady
Lady on my mind
This is no ordinary love affair
Her memories she tries to hide

Unfaithful, unloved, unconscious
Some things always stay the same
We are spreading a disease
Doing what we do
Kneeling before the truth
Be my fellow sinner
Kindred in the kindling

Beneath the stars a bell begins to toll
For reasons which we really shouldnt know
Wrap me in darkness darling, make love to me
I am the lightning dancing in the rain
I am pleasure mixed with pain
Only in darkness can there be light
Tell me angel, have you prayed tonight?
In the dark I know you all so well
Beauty from Heaven wrapped around souls from Hell
So take a drink from me
My sacrifice to thee
Damned fallen angels
Always blessed with me.

1067105  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2009-02-18
Written: (3685 days ago)

So I've been talking to someone for a little while online, and just recently over the phone.Now, its nothing serious, but so far I wouldnt mind exploring the relationship further.Because of this I had stopped seeing a girl that we both mutually agreed was just a sexual relationship.We tried to date before and it didnt work out, but we had a great physical chemistry so since we were both allready comfortable with each other that way we agreed that we could still have relations until one of us started dating again. She thinks it is dumb for me to stop having sex just because of a woman whom most likely doesnt even remotely consider our relationship the same and whom lives multiple states away. So I guess Im looking for other opinions and advice?

1065790  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2009-02-06
Written: (3696 days ago)

So for those who don't know me( which is everyone I guess)my childhood was not the cookie cutter cliché good home thing, abusive pop( mostly just verbally and mentally so I got off lite there I suppose) mom was too depressed and later doped up on pills to do anything, wasn't really close to my extended family, boo hoo whatever. All that made me who I am in one way or another and I like me, so booya. So I've pretty much shut myself off from everyone and for the last two years I've been happy. Well my mom gets off her meds, tries to kill herself, all the family guilt trip me into having contact with her again. The solid emotional rock I am I still don't think I could have that hanging over my head. So I get a call last night to meet her and my dad for her birthday. So I get to applebees and they break the news that BUM BUM BUM they are getting a divorce. Whatever no big shock there but who the FUCK makes that announcement at applebees?!? Guy next to me is watching the game another guy is stuffing his face with jalepeno poppers!! WTF....and on my moms birthday. Awesome location and timing.... So moms supposedly going back on meds dad is gonna just pack up and alienate himself from everyone(copycat bastard) and I went back to my giant empty house alone and sat in the dark listening to music till 4 am trying to figure out if I care. Hell I still don't know if I do....

1063031  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2009-01-16
Written: (3717 days ago)

So this was weird, I fell asleep listening to my ipod on random, as I always do.arund 3ish I woke up crying. Not like my-dog-just-got-ran-over-by-my-grandmother-as-she-was-having-a-heart-attack boohoo crying. It was just tears coming out, in mass quantites. The song that was on was Kamelot-Love You To Death. Im not sure what was the significance of what happened in any way....

1062257  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2009-01-10
Written: (3724 days ago)

Another year down, woohoo I suppose.

My ex is finally moving all of her stuff out of my house, so hopefully that will bring about some closure on that ordeal.

I've gone back to gaming, looking forward to some incredible storytelling I've been missing on.Even my writing has started to get going again, which I am excited about.

Everything is pretty much..Blahtastic, lol...

1061657  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2009-01-06
Written: (3728 days ago)

My diary is empty and sad apparently, so i guess I will throw it a bone..

What else is there to say really? I like my work, but not the job. I cant stand my co-workers.I have no friends except my ex, which cant be the healtest relationship for either parties..


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