[Little Hamster in your head]'s diary

335926  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2004-08-29
Written: (5751 days ago)

well last night i went to a rangers baseball game
rangers vs. baltimore..... rangers one 4-3 got back at 12 and went to sleep about 2

my medication makes it hard for me to sleep
oh well      i hope to see daniel today

i missplaced my cell phone and its off   guess htat means cleaning

i worked on editing photos and worked on making gif's
and now its 9:04 am

i need to finnish my cousin bday gift.....though dont know what to do

also need to get spark notes for scarlet letter

oh yea do all my homework!!!   ug not enough hours in the day

334036  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2004-08-27
Written: (5752 days ago)

Okay its friday and i am on a new medication
im soooooooo tired but i cant sleep my mind is still thinking. i can feel the fatigue in my eyes and back n the rest of my body

i think im starting to understand physics better i think(i think, key word)
 lets see.... my spelling sucks today,my mind is moving so fast i cant get all the letters down.
  theater is boring but the play i was reading sound funny, not to mention stupid but i was imagining how to update it....maybe even go as far as changing the characters names... updating it. some of the humor is dull. I also plan on doing UIL poetry... if i can memorize the poem enough and not get lost too much when reciting it.... need a good published american 20th centry peice.

I have a lot of math and english for the weekend i need to do.......and someone to remind me to do it till i actually do finnish it

my spanish sucks throughly

i found out my planner is a year ahead.....

i tell my manager i quit tonight, i'm scared... but i need to... i cant just let myself go spirling down again if i can do something about it.... and i can, so i should

found out me and sara see the same Dr. she goes in more often.she's also go real issues..... mine are just stress and anxiety related..got a bad set of genetics unfort.
never got any "pretty" in my genetics either

333445  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2004-08-27
Written: (5753 days ago)

I am forgetful
I am scared
I am boaderdline depressed
I am anxious
I have manic depression in my family
I take 4 medicines for my mind
I am slow
I am accurate
I want you
to want me
I need you
to love me
be there for me
you've made my heart skip a beat before
you do it everytime i talk to you

332225  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2004-08-26
Written: (5754 days ago)
Next in thread: 332232

orgy

She's lost in coma
where it's beautiful
Intoxicated from the deep sleepdeep sleep
do you wonder what it's like
living in a permanent imagination
sleeping to escape reality
but you like it like that
guilty by design
she's nothing more than fiction
she dreams in digital
because it's better than nothing
now that control's goneit seems unreal
she's dreaming in digital
because it's better than nothing
now that control's gone
it seems unrealthat she's dreaming in digital
she dreams in digital
and your pixel army can't save you now
my finger's on the kill switch
I remember I used to compose your dreams
control your dreams
and don't be afraid to expose yourself
before I shut you down
you made some changes since the virus caught you sleepingguilty by design
she's nothing more than fiction
she dreams in digital
because it's better than nothing
now that control's gone
it seems unreal
she's dreaming in digital
cause it's better than nothing
now that control is gone
it seems unreal when she's dreaming in digital
she dreams in digital
she's guilty by designnow that control's gone
it seems unreal she's dreaming in digital
she's nothing more than fiction
cause it's better than nothing
now that control is gone
it seems unreal
she's dreaming in digital

329941  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2004-08-24
Written: (5756 days ago)

For those who start shit
without knowing everything
YOU SUCK
for those who like to remain annonomous in starting shit
YOU ARE A WUSS

I'd like to say there is one guy I like much
I feel like maybe stuff started too soon
but
I DO NOT REGRET it
I'd like things to continue no matter what the past holds
I'd like this guy to believe whats in his heart
and to be able to say it in words
no matter whats there

328240  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2004-08-22
Written: (5758 days ago)

I don't need to be sheltered
I can handle the truth
If you mean what you say
say it to my face

I always forgive
but i can never trust
i dont believe it exists unless its proven
its like an experiment gone bad
it cant be made a fact or law

trust is too great..
thank you for ended friendship before you could even start
thank you for breaking my heart

like i said i can always forgive
but i'll NEVER forget.


here me now.....I AM STRONG
I am what your God would what of a person.
I am forgiving, i am grateful, i am peace, i am trusting, I dont by lies, i can amend, I dont start lies.

327347  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2004-08-21
Written: (5758 days ago)

you said you'd come
but you didnt
I waited an hour
still nothing

now its one
and i'm done

i wont wait around
when you tell me
youre going to be there
then your not

life never stops and neither do i
dont do this again
i dont want this to be the end
without reason it will be neethon
if it happen.....
i hate to say
you're on your own

326904  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2004-08-21
Written: (5759 days ago)

When I'm with you,
I know what happy is.
When I'm with you,
I know what content is.
Funny how we can say things then change our mind
funny how things change with the corse of time.

i accept you for you, if you, me for me.....
I only try hardest to make you happy
the only kiss ive ever missed i shared with you
we can only be as long as were still there
and i can tell by looks on your face if
you still care
i want you, and no one and no one else but you....
i want you and no one   and no one can fill the empty space i hold for you

325898  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2004-08-20
Written: (5760 days ago)


oh ungraceful one whose hair falls in his eyes.
i can teach you more than you can ever see.
i know the same you hold for me, the knowledge of how things can be.
but if we dont take these first steps there can never be a leap.
i want to jump for the moon but i wont leave untill i have a hand in my palm.

ive seen a future.... through the cloudy dreams... i know i'm there...... and there is a shadowy figure walking up to me....   this shadowy man puts his arms around me.....
who is he..

i have bother by stone sour stuck in my head
  i wish i was   to dead to cry..... just rings over and over

325537  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2004-08-19
Written: (5760 days ago)

so far.... today it rained.....
i did yoga and theater....
i made a friend....
actually i made 2 friends..... people hate ms rossler and that makes me feel good.......

the physics teacher doesnt sound like a complete bore.....
the newspaper class teacher is comp illiterate.... and its going to be a looooong year.....
mrs anz is pretty cool for now.. the test wasnt hard but there were a few things that threw me off...

we cant put pictures on the outside of our locker unless its school related....

i have 5 math problems to do.... i need someone to remind me to actually do them....

i have violin at 5:45......then i come home. hopefully around 8 or before ... do my math computer and shirt..... shower then sleep.... \

mrs moran the computer teacher is going to instruct class by how dr wong says to........ that means the first 3 days you get to know your students...... so tomorrow will be easy too!  

now i will go and wait for people to want me....

324744  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2004-08-19
Written: (5761 days ago)

woo i feel better now.... its 10:30 and i have an AP english test for summer reading tomorrow   and ive only read parts of the books.....
tomorrow im making my shirt.... woowhee.....

tonight im not feeling in a poetical mood.....more of a quite blunt and straight forward mood...sometimes i think my life is like a soapopera with out all the death, crime,and poison

take away that stuff and its really not a soap is it?
but their is heart break and confusion, common sense  wisdom... prevail it shall..... these hurdels in life are my training.... i will fly over them  even if its just barely

324722  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2004-08-19
Written: (5761 days ago)

fuckin shitty day ..... school was great
but work......shit i fuckin hate one of the ASSistant managers...... fat bitch can go to hell for all i care...... im fuckin sick of being belittle and its just the fuckin first night with her. one day ill let loose and fuckin bitch slap her and my print will be on her face for a week.... bloody hell it will be something i dream of.....

lunch was good...i met someone new saunya..she was cool corey likes her....he always like girls out of his legue....He says he's matured over the summer..... i dont believe that someone can say that outloud and it actually be true.... but we will see.... I guess i kinda think of him as a brother....

all my teachers seem nice.....but  thats always the first day....they seem great the first day..... but their true personality comes with into 2 weeks....
Newspaper sounds like it will be easy and fun.... Theater sounds like its going to be a bore and not so fun this year.....it wasnt all that fun last year but all i want is my letter jacket.... if i perticipate in one god damn thing ill get it too..... if she ever gives me the info on it...... my Th.Arts class is combinde w/ debate... in a class of liek 10 or less people only 2 are in theater..

Daniel feels like he's being a jackass towards me.... he's a bit immature....but like Alania said .....it can be a good thing..... he's different than every guy ive know.... but a guy i used to go out with is now creeping back in.... i loved the way he made me feel..... i want to see him again.. its like a drug almost to want to feel like i'm worht something ....Daniels very sweet... hes generous and kind and trusting and trustworthy.... but i dont get that affect with him.... but if this other guy can prove he wont smash my heart  maybe ..... gosh.... i dont want to hurt anyone... i dont want to lose someone trustworthy like that  and i want to be happy....

i dont want to choose.... i hope theres a time when i get choosen........time will tell


this is not said in the greatest of moods.... i need some cheering up

322925  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2004-08-17
Written: (5762 days ago)

I need proof that you still love me.
I need proof to know you care.
I need insurance to know .
I won't be hurt again.

Not that way, Not that way

Oh, flowers are so nice
and your intentions may sufice,
but thats not telling you care.
Tell it to my face,
it's the only ace, for me to know
to see it in your eyes.

Come to my door, its always there
Tell me wat you have to say,
Dont leave me guessing.
Just come on right straight out.
I won't be hurt again.

Not that way 

Oh, flowers are so nice
and your intentions may sufice,
but thats not telling you care.
Tell it to my face,
it's the only ace for me to know
to see it in your eyes.

I hope I see it in your eyes,
I hope to hear the tears you've cried
and know your true.
The skies wont be gray,
and everythings ok.
In the end I wont be hurt again.

Oh, flowers are so nice
and your intentions may sufice
but thats not telling you care
tell it to my face,
it's the only ace, for me to know
to see it in your eyes.

322493  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2004-08-17
Written: (5763 days ago)

I feel it's time for a new entry

So far, work kind of gets in the way of social life.....
but    what really gets in the way  is being grounded

from driving......

not a lot of people i know have a car... and they cant come get me because im in the boonies

school gets in the way..... my weekends are actually pretty open   untill 5 oclock.....then work........

ever have your heart opened.... you know   where you actually think you love someone, but always denied love like that could exist to you........

then you found out you were right...... but then something happens..... small but something  and your heart "door" kind of opens again.....

curiosity kills cats...... but i am not a cat

317157  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2004-08-12
Written: (5768 days ago)

Last night I started working with customers......
thank god none of them were grouchy.... infact most of them were quite friendly and accepting of my mistakes and said i had to learn sometime.... made me laugh a bit  a couple times i felt like crying   but its stupid to cry over spilled milk or chicken or ketchup or forgetting rolls... or an extra side.... .......or forgetting to repeat the order... the list can go ooooon and ooon.

hopefully ill have better luck friday....and can memorize this menu......

ooo and schools about to start..... i have so many books to read..... and all these hard classes......how the hell am i gunna make it through the year

i barely made it through last year

315623  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2004-08-09
Written: (5770 days ago)

Well today i went to the mall w/ my mom.........
we looked at old fossil's clothing for my mom
i bought so addidas goodyears shoe's
and we went by hot topic

i found some nintendo panties that i wanted and a belt buckel       
    but thats not the embarrassingly funny part.
its the part where i find these earing's i've been dying to have.   

I find these cute earings and i decided to show them to my mom....









"ABSOLUTLY NOTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she YELLED as loud as she could....

my mouth just about dropped(or did) and i started to look around the store and saw people laughing and trying to hold in the laugh out of politeness.....

I too felt like laughing out of embarrassment.

My mom meanwhile dissapeared into the rack of clothing, leaving me standing there stunned.

I felt like someone on those comedy TV show's who's parents were yelling at the kid to make the audience laugh.

it worked! ill say

eventually my mom sneaked out of the rack of clothing and was all red in the face and i calmly explained that
the earing's werent really gaged.   they just looked that way....... she was saying "theres no way" but i pulled the earing apart and showed her........
and out of embarrassment she decided to get the earings for me anyway.

well.... thats the event for my day.....

289659  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2004-07-17
Written: (5794 days ago)

Dont you love it when unexpected things happen......
theres a certain .... excitement that flows through your veins,body that just makes it so hard to bear..... you just have to go with the flow. Flow it must for the good or the bad....   never forget the summer flings or the boys or girls of summer......
it will be something to lecture your children, friends children, your grand children.....or someone elses kids about..... yea yea....

i can see you, your bronze skin shining in the sun--
I can tell you our love will stilll be strong after the boys of summer have gone!-DJ Sammy- Ataris-OLD PEOPLES BANDS TOO

288312  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2004-07-16
Written: (5795 days ago)

when ever i think of him
i see myself jumping off a building
getting shot in the head
him getting shot in the head(that was quite pleasent)
and dying.

??? whats going on in my morbid head???

287131  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2004-07-15
Written: (5796 days ago)
Next in thread: 287156

I wish i was pretty, i wish i was someone else. someone else that doenst care... someone else that could never get hurt.......im sick of crying.....im sick of this thing called love..... sometimes i wish i could take away all my past bf's and go back to my first love....but thats impossible.

all the bf's after have just crushed my heart....and my new one. i really hope he doesnt.... he doesnt sound like he will...... but then again..... they all do.... not intentionally.....but they do....over and over

287104  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2004-07-15
Written: (5796 days ago)

My heart gets broken by one, saved by another, and could possible be taken by someone else..... how can it get so confusing so quick. i dont know what to do.

i dont want my heart smashed everytime i give it out...please dont break it.....

281850  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2004-07-10
Written: (5800 days ago)

Yea Robbie and me broke up.....i dont fit in his life..... i never did so what i was thinking..... god only knows.....
the only male i can trust in my life   is my dog.......yes..... he's there for me....he gives me unconditional love.... hes cute.... he's playful.... and he doesnt get tired of me.... he doest criticize me....

i wish my dog would turn into my prince... god knows any guy wont be that good to me...... i can only hope for 2nd best

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