[Ayden Cross]'s diary

1070780  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2009-03-16
Written: (4002 days ago)

Wow, my first elftown badge? Dude, I'm totally moving up the chain. It's only been...what? 4 years? I first joined here because of a former friend, who as of fairly recently gave up Elftown. I guess out of all of my friends, I'm the only one who's left.

Kinda sad, but I'm still here. I still believe in caring about your friends... the people you love... and not becoming a total cynical bitch because life and college throw curve balls at you. But, that's just me.

I can't say I'm through with the 'Growing up/coming of age/I'm in college' bullshit, because... I'm still going through it. Still in college, still growing up (I won't pretend that I'm above it. I'm still growing up and I like to admit it.)

I believe in Starlight. I believe in maintaining my childlike playfulness. Believing in people. Believing in saying corny things like this because someone needs to say them. I believe that sounding like a jackass is okay, because the only person who would even bother wasting their time responding is some bitchy ex-girlfriend, who'll probably write 3 drafts of a response and fine tune it down to the last semi colon. I believe in accepting in apologies from people, rather than berating them, because going all existential on someone when they they're living life as best they can just seems like a really fucking big waste of time to me.

Some really fucked up shit has happened to me, but I'm gonna keep going. Probably not going to get this work done in time, but I guess it was worth my first elftown badge. I feel a bit accomplished. Some people have like 10 badges, and while I'm probably never going to reach that status, I do feel like I gained some nice recognition.

Well, here's to seeing what the next 4 years old. I'm pretty interested myself. Maybe people'll come back, maybe not.

I'll still be here.


1061068  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2008-12-31
Written: (4076 days ago)

It's that time of the year again. Gotta say, this year wasn't the best I've ever had. We lost so many good, awesome people this year. Bernie Mac? GEORGE CARLIN?! And the fuckin' D and D guy?! Christ. Rhashaun told me that his grandmother passed away a few nights ago, and I was incredibly disheartened to hear that. I really wanted to meet her. She seemed like such an incredible woman, and she'd always ask how I was doing..

Nonetheless, like every year, this was one of growth. Lots of tough times. I'm not going to whine or complain, but this year definitely did have some troubling times for my family.

Anyhow, let's mark down the top ten list of things I've learned.

1. When you tell your parents that you need the truck, or the van, or even SOME big vehicle, tell them you will disown them if they don't listen to you. Because they didn't listen to me. That had to be the most bullshit ingenuity that I had ever seen, because all that shit from my dorm shouldn't have fit in there.

2. Paper mache' is difficult as all hell. I made a sweet pinata, but who knows when I'll take photos of him?

3. Never ever get your hair cut at SuperCuts. Especially if the woman's name is Miracle. Trust me, she's lying.

4. Beards are epic unless you have fangirls that complain about the slightest bit of peach fuzz on your face.

5. Apologizing to ex's is never easy, but must be done. Even if they berate you for it, the best thing I can say is... 'Meh, women are dumb.'

6. After working on cartoons for about 2 years now, every little stupid cartoon on tv that has smooth animation is like a kick to the nuts. Kung Fu Panda made me want to kill myself because it was so fucking awesome.

7. The Dark Knight in IMAX was the best film ever. If you disagree, you might as well just stop yourself because I will never listen to you ever again.

8. Break ups are hard. They are even harder when the girls or guys in the relationship go off and do stupid things, like drugs, drink themselves sick, or even refuse to leave their bed for an entire week. Trying to maintain a friendship with this ex is somewhat impossible if they're not trying to get over you, but rather the guy after you... Yeah, like that made sense.

9. If you ever need a small Asian child to be terrified of you, nay, nearly traumatized...just sing karaoke as obnoxiously as you can while groping their face.

10. No matter what stupid ass things they pull, whether it be fights, arguments, or just plain stupidity...family is family. You can't replace them, even if you sometimes wish you could.

And as a special bonus..

11. Ali's are mother fuckin' crazy.

There's lots of adventures that happened this year, but...Christ, I don't feel like writing it all out. Call me lazy, but...I've got shit to do.

Hopefully this next year will be better than the last. ^_^ Have a Happy New Years, Elftown.


1039317  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2008-07-30
Written: (4230 days ago)

Cartoons don't make themselves. I swear I'm seeing key frames and interfaces of different programs every time I close my eyes.

Finals suck. I mean, I like having stuff to do, but this workload is borderline obnoxious. I realize industry professionals do a lot of this stuff on a daily basis, but they've got help. It's broken up into groups and stuff. They don't have to worry about stupid useless Gen ed courses either. (although I happen to like mine, strangely.)

As of right now, I wish I had the summer off, so I could relax, recharge my batteries, and then come back refreshed. That way, I'm not so strained in my animation, and I produce better work.

But no. Sadly, I had to come to school in the summer. Which is alright, but it sucks hearing about all the awesome cookouts my family's been having. Or going to the beach. Or...anything that doesn't involved being cooped up inside school.

I feel better. Sure, life has been pretty shitty lately, but I hope that it improves. I'm learning a bit. A little about everything. Things that used to bore me before are slowly starting to grow on me. Jazz.. history... Even politics.

...Yeah, I know. What the fuck, right?

I guess I'm changing alittle on the inside. Lately I feel like I need to draw more. All the drawing I've been doing has been for schoolwork. It's alright, but I still want to draw for me. Art school (animation in particular) has this great way of making drawing unpleasant. Drawing is a chore suddenly. It's a pain in the ass, like someone that just won't stop calling you to hang out.

I'm slowly upping the ante with each passing semester. I've already got a few business cards from game companies in Waltham, so I'll have to see. Getting hired would be pretty awesome, but it's something I plan on working up to.

Man, I never write in this thing anymore. I miss it.


1010974  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2008-02-11
Written: (4401 days ago)

Rhashaun, my glorious roommate, needs to check out his elftown again. It's been 200+ days.

Dude, I know myspace and gaia take up quite the time...but c'mon....man..

It's 5 am, and neither of us have gone to bed. I have tons of homework due...but the procrastination is too great.

I'll get it done, but...in the meantime...

Come baaaacck...


994863  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2007-11-25
Written: (4478 days ago)

Mmm, back in the apartment. Waiting for Rhashaun to get back.

I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving. I sure did. Getting mobbed by all the little kids.. and reestablishing myself at home.

So, Kristen and I had our hands full visiting the kids. Wow.

Sassa suddenly clung to me like she was trying to climb a mountain. Dai suddenly thought making fun of me was a fun thing to do. Lee...yelled and whined. Kaiden hurt himself a bit. Kay followed her mom around like a baby chick. Maing got put in time out a bit, and we all ate tacos.

One thing I always find interesting is...

Trying to explain horrible things to a little child.

Some kids, like Dai get it. They just do. They have this understanding of the world that comes naturally to them, and they usually figure out things on their own, like I did.

..Others...like Maseea? ...Don't as much.


"Yeah, honey?"

"What's...a hairy bush?"

".........WHAT?! WHO SAID THAT?!"


What...in the FUCK?!!!! I got panicked.

..Turns out..if you combine... a 44 year old Asian man, lots of alcohol, a thick accent...and politics...

He mixed 'Hilary Clinton' and 'Laura Bush' and combined them together.

Hilary came out 'Harry' and Maseea ..just repeated what she heard.

Oh man.

So my aunt Angie had Dyuanna, and that's another baby. She was so cute and small. I got to hold her and take some pictures. She seemed pretty content and happy while I held her. I had never seen her before, but I'm glad to finally met the newest edition to the family.

Kristen and I went to go visit her uncle's studio in Lisbon. Her uncle Nel deals with stained glass, and they showed me this amazing gallery that had such kick ass pieces. Kristen taught me how they cut pieces and place them together. They go into the kiln and get fused together. Well, that's one way of doing it.

We made a star, and it looks pretty awesome. I think I'll get to see it around Christmas time.

I haven't shaved for the past week. I look like a bum.

A bum with style.

Anyhow, I think I did two things that were YEARS overdo.

My beloved Pokemon camera that sat resting in my room, since before 6th grade recently got some attention.

Me: Holy shit! This camera still has film in it!

The same film that was put in it before 6th grade.

...I must know what's on it.

Ever since I was a kid, I've gone to the Asian supermarket. I've always gotten either Pepsi, and in High school, Starbucks.

...There was a plethora of drinks that went by untouched because I thought they were too weird looking. Like...basil seed with honey.

They look like fucking tad pole eggs.


..Looks like fucking mutagen from Ninja Turtles!

And soymilk.

..For safety.

Well, I've got work and other matters to attend to, but I hope you enjoyed your Holiday.


973386  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2007-09-05
Written: (4560 days ago)

I'm sittin' here, trying to salvage the remains of my memories, because it happened all so fast.

The Boston night sky is dimly illuminated by the life of the city. I think I might have one of the best views of the city out there.

On the seventh floor of an apartment overlooking the Prudential Center and all sorts of businesses. A six-man apartment, occupied by some of my closest friends at AI.

Only one problem.

I still don't have a roommate.

Like so many times before, I'm just alone in the room. But, I've grown to enjoy it a lot.

Rhashaun was SUPPOSED to be my roommate, but he's having a difficult time even registering..

My first class was today. Acting and movement has to be one of the most interesting classes that anyone gets to take. There's nothing really like it. My first class was filled with different, unique and thought provoking exercises, that I almost didn't want it to end.

I keep thinking back to the time I spent with Kristen. My mind drifts to that last good bye. She fought off tears, but I knew they would fall as soon as she stepped out the door.

Those last few days, our bond deepened quite a bit.

"You have that movie, Tiramisu? I'd like to see it."

Unfortunately, I let Cloe borrow it over the summer. So I did the next best thing. I went out and bought the ingredients for Tiramisu. We read over numerous recipes, but we finally found one that fit us.

Me: What the fuck is Marscapone cheese?

Years ago, when men went off to war, their wives would often times make them Tiramisu out of left over biscuits and coffee. When the men would eat the Tiramisu on the battlefield, it would remind them of their wives.

I think that was the idea behind it. We promised that whenever we missed each other, or felt lonely, we'd make Tiramisu.

Mom was skeptical.

Mom: Refrigerated stuff won't taste good. Only baked stuff is good.

Dad: Looks a little...weird.

Seiha: Dude, what the hell IS that?

Cienat and friends: Umm...

*Everyone tastes it*


Dad: Wow.

Mom: Mmm..

Our Tiramisu was brilliant. It tasted wonderful, and it was pretty appropriate considering the circumstances.

I'm gonna try my best to just sort out what's gonna happen. Not scared though. I'm through being scared. Whatever happens is bound to be embraced by my welcome arms.


965311  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2007-08-09
Written: (4587 days ago)

Clearly, I must've lost hold of my senses.

It's finally happened.

Part of my soul must've crumbled into dust because of what I've just done...



959068  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2007-07-19
Written: (4608 days ago)

Wow... For someone who 'hates drama' a certain ex girlfriend loves taking immature jabs at me on the Elftown forums, because she knows I won't do anything back.

A mental eight year old with a superiority complex? CLEVER!!

But..when it comes down to it, I suppose it's better than being a stupid dumb slut that spews hypocrisy out from between her wretched lips.

This ex girlfriend certainly has a good amount of growing up to do to catch up to this 'eight year old.' Jesus Fucking Christ, GROW UP and stop being such a skank.

So you tasted freedom, but that made you decide to be a dumb whore, okay... I get it. But, taking jabs at me on a fucking forum that 4 people yak incessantly about how they're pathetic losers is not cool.

Someone that I used to care so much about... What was I thinking?

I do have this to say.

"For someone who values intellect so much... you sure don't have much going on up there.*Points to head.* Oh, and trying to avoid me at Walmart is pretty funny to look at. You look stupid darting through stuff, trying to look inconspicuous."

That's all for now, Kiddo.


954489  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2007-07-02
Written: (4624 days ago)

"Ah, the culprit was....GRAVITY!....Again!"

Good stuff.

Mom's finally a United States citizen!!

Hooray! She's been trying for a while, and she worked her ass off studying all 96 questions in that booklet. Seiha and I quizzed her and helped her study for the past month.

She also brushed up on some stuff she wasn't too good at.

The good news is that she passed because of all that hard work!

So, here we are, celebrating again. Maing's birthday was the other day, which was pretty kick ass. I demolished that pinata.

Well...Kinda had to. The kids were all horrified at the idea of hitting Spongebob with a bat.

...So lo and behold, it was up to me to. Lee kicked it, and Seiha gave it a good smack.

Of course, Lee being Lee, jumped in the way while Seiha was swinging, and got smacked in the face.

...Yeah, I chuckled too.

So, I used a sword strike (one that primarily would punture through lung, muscle, and break bones)on Spongebob.

Yeah, it broke.

I swung WAYY too hard and most of the candy got smashed...


Highlight of today: Old lady hit on me.


"Dude, EVERY guy wants to be Bruce Lee. Those that say they don't are either...

1. Lying.
2. Idiots.
3. Racist.

If you encounter such a male, please inform them to turn in their penises immediately."

Oh, I forgot! Chanmoney can now solve puzzles! I'm so proud, and Mom's so happy.

He pays such close attention to detail, that he's really good at it!

Okay, just had to be sure I mentioned that.



951279  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2007-06-23
Written: (4633 days ago)

So what's the worse that could be done that hasn't already been done?

...I dunno. Not sure if I necessarily care at the point. Tried to be caring. Honest. Respectful and friendly.

Guess all that leads to me being 'clingy,' huh?

With all due respect, I guess that the last accusation a certain someone could make towards me.

I'm not complaining, I do see it. But for some people that speak of hypocrisy thrown about, they're turning into an awful horrible two face.

Gosh...first one, then two, then three....boy, you sure get around, huh?

I'm so sick of getting looked at like I'm just in the way. Or being used....Enough of this.

I'm sure college is a great, golden spectacle of intellectual enlightenment, especially when compared to home. But to act like you're too good for your friends and talk about how much better your college friends are is completely unacceptable.

It's not all about me. It's all about you and the things that could've been and the changes you've developed.

No accusations of being a bitch came from me. You sure that wasn't your own feelings?

Who were you trying to convince?

All the secrecy and avoiding...I dunno whom you were afraid of facing. Were you afraid of what I'd say? Or what you'd say?

This friendship is a sham. I really tried to make things work out. I could go on and on, but I guess you can't really stop people from changing into whom they really are.

There were so many stupid things I've had to deal with, that I'm not going to put up with anymore.

Go enjoy your life. Please. Have a wonderful time doing whatever and I'll try to remember you as positively as I can. Despite the broken promises, and the changes you've developed. I guess things can't be helped. I'm filled with anger and sadness, but there's nothing else I can do. I'm through with going on with this.

Guess I have to find the ones 'willing to stick it out.'


948790  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2007-06-16
Written: (4641 days ago)

Conversation tidbits with your best friend that seem.... Incredibly wrong when taken out of context...

Me: You TOTALLY defiled Buddha by anally penetrating him.
Jon: Dude ... it was kinda cool though...


Me: Hahahaha, all those Japanese girls, and you can't touch..
Jon: .......................Don't bring it up.
Me: ...Sorry.

Jon: I saw a Big ass buddha i forgot. That shit was huge!
Jon: I went in its ass.
Me: Like, a BIG BIG ass statue?
Me: .......
Me: That's...-Wait, ASS?!


I...really have nothing to say.


948136  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2007-06-14
Written: (4643 days ago)

Dear Hair,

Hey...it's me, Chad. I know we've had some good times and you've always been there for me...

But...this is our goodbye. I'm sorry it couldn't work out. I like a lot of things about you, and maybe someday we'll be together again.

You shine, you shimmer, you do all sorts of amazing things. You have a mind of your own, and I couldn't ask for anything more.

But I've outgrown you...Or rather, you've outgrown me. We're just not suitable for each other right now. The summer's calling, and things would just get complicated.

Hair, I'm sorry. I'm going to get you cut tommorrow, even though it's going to be sad. But we both knew it would happen, someday, right?

I'll miss the way you'd always get in my eyes. The way people would tease me for being with you. But I don't regret any of it. Without you, I wouldn't have learned so much about myself.

But, damnit, Hair...I can't keep you. I need my space, and I know that it's time for us to say good bye.

I'll never forget you. Please, don't cry.

Don't cry for me, Hair. I don't deserve your tears.

Good bye.


946175  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2007-06-07
Written: (4650 days ago)

Must...come up with a gift....


Ideas, ideas...but no money...


Well, there's always...

The Inconceivable....

Which totally sucks.

Any ideas for an alternative?


945147  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2007-06-03
Written: (4653 days ago)

Watched Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story last night.

Not exactly the greatest movie, or that accurate to Bruce Lee's life, but still entertaining...

I watched his struggle and was reminded of so many things that ran parallel to my own life.

The differences in culture... Overcoming racial barriers, and triumphing over obstacles.

The man did so much and was so revolutionary. I remember as a kid reading his works. His thoughts on life, love, and martial arts.

It didn't make any sense to me when I was younger, despite the fact that I had heard it all the time... I didn't understand 'The Classical Mess', or the blind devotions to obsolete systems of fighting...

Back then it was all a blur. I think, subconsciously, I absorbed it all, without even realizing it. It's funny that now I recognize everything he spoke about, because I learned so much of it. The doctrines that became the 'Gospel truth,' because of the blindness of martial arts teachers.

Martial arts are meant to be improved, and reimproved, not hampered down by traditions...

...Ah, it's so clear to me. It was so simple, but I took so long to ingest the simplicity of it...

There's still so much to figure out....


944393  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2007-06-01
Written: (4656 days ago)


I was on the computer at around...11:45 or so...when I heard a loud...'BANG.'

Me: O_o ....What was THAT?


Oh well, right?

So I continue looking through Elftown and various other sites, all the while speaking to some dear friends.

Half an hour later, I got up to stretch.

<img:stuff/m-jpg.gif>?? Flashing lights? What the...

Sure enough, across the street at the Infamous 'TommyGuns' bar, there was a cluster of Police Squadcars and a firetruck.

Something happened, I can assume. Some idiotic drunken wastrel did something that potentially harmed himself, or whoever was in his company.

...Yeah, I live in the hood..

The hood of drunken rednecks. Who knows what occurred?

Hmm...Time to sleep.


943769  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2007-05-30
Written: (4657 days ago)

Stupid house....looks bright neon...

People are TOTALLY going to egg my house on Halloween...


Seriously. This color hurts my eyes. And it's making me sick. <img:stuff/k-gif.gif>

Reminds me of McDonalds.

No, really.

*sigh* Back to work...


943375  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2007-05-29
Written: (4659 days ago)

Things of interest today...

1. I suck at cutting grass.

2. Uncle developed a super deep love for Jesus and began speaking tongues. Sounded...suspiciously Chinese.

3. Cook outs galore.

4. Kids...somehow attached to my face.

5. House- Used to be Rose tinted. Dad bought interior Peace Lily. Scrap that. Dad rebought exterior paint. Unfortunately, mother picked the color....House- Now stupid fucking lemonade. In other words, my house is a brilliantly vibrant Spongebob color.


Whoo, Star Wars legacy revealed!

Need sleep.


941855  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2007-05-23
Written: (4665 days ago)
Next in thread: 942033

Hooray for improvement!

Not a very major one, but still...

One milestone has been overcome! <img:stuff/dand-gif.gif><img:44166_1164465804.gif>


941235  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2007-05-21
Written: (4667 days ago)


Went to visit Jon the other day.. Funny, how it's been so long since I've seen him, and how it felt like little had changed..

Even though, we both knew things were different.

It'll be the last time I see my best friend for a very long time. 3 years, to be exact.

He's going to Japan, Guam, and Hawaii, of all places. Doesn't exactly sound like hard, rugged Navy work. But, what would I know?

To me, it sounds like some dream vacation where he hits up some of my top travel destinations. Lucky bastard.

Three years...I wonder how things will change. What kind of people will we be? Would we still want to be friends?

Sounds like a silly question, but I've been wondering a lot about these things. Like saying goodbye, and letting go of things..

I haven't told him a lot of things... Even though it's almost been 2 years, I still feel guilty for things that I've done... I haven't told him about what happened between Deborah and I that one night. It started eating away at me when I saw them together yesterday. They looked so happy, but I felt so guilty.

I think he'd forgive me...But I guess I still lack the strength to come clean. Maybe I don't want to ruin what he has between Deborah by incriminating her. They've gone through a lot. Telling him now, doesn't seem necessary.

I remember that he looked at me yesterday. We were all talking about the past, and how much fun everyone was going to have. Deborah in Florida, Jon in the Navy, and me in Boston. He looked right at me and I saw a tear fall from his eye. He was scared. He didn't want to go, or leave. It brought back so many memories...

Memories of when we were kids, and the safety and comfort of being together.

There were so many dreams and aspirations that we held. Did we ever think that they wouldn't be realized because we wouldn't all be together? I guess it never really came up.

Just leaving everyone...it just filled me with a sudden wave of sadness. Staying together seemed so important to me. Sticking around each other has just been what we've always done. This will be the longest time I've ever spent without my best friend.

Sure, there's other ways of communication...But I just think that these things are sad anyway. Saying goodbyes, separations... That's all life really seems like lately.

But I suppose the bright side to all this is that we're young. If I think positively, we'll relatively stay similar to who we are, and still be good people. I guess I have a lot of growing to do. Maybe someday I'll be strong enough to admit things and be honest with people.

Well, all we can do is wait and hope. I'll let you know in three years.


939615  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2007-05-15
Written: (4673 days ago)

Kay, everyone...

I made another wiki...A quote one...

Located in Ayden Cross's quote page, go to...

Ayden's abused phrases for some inside jokes and random stuff..

And...FYI, painting houses sucks balls.


 The logged in version 

News about Elftown
Help - How does Elftown work?
Get $10 worth of Bitcoin/Ethereum for free (you have to buy cryptos for $100 to get it) and support Elftown!
Elftown – the social site made for fans of scifi and fantasy

Visit our facebook page