Dani-ism: When Dani does odd things that normal society would shun but gets away with it because... Well... She's Dani.
*talking about Karyu from D'espairsrey*
Them: You can't even say you like them. What's the tall one's name?
Me: Bigbird. Duh.
God forbid I ever actually meet him. I'm really just going to be like "Hi Bigbird~"
And not even give one qualm about it.
I should be a connoisseur of beef jerky and mango smoothies.
I am Satan, who is also Hitler, who is disguised as Batman, who is Loki and the Potato, who likes to pretend to be John Watson, who occasionally is Dr. McCoy, who has a day job as the voice in the back of Dean Winchester's head and a night job as Crowley, who's alter ego is is a British therapist named Dr. Benjymin Charles Weston, who is That Guy, who covers his tracks by being an 18 year old girl named Dani, who secretly is a peppy little spitfuck Dominican, who is also a Starburst and the end slice of bread, that occasionally is a wolf and is actually is The Doctor.
Steff:Omg you've been watching Supernatural???????? XD
I ship Dean/Castiel with every individual fiber within the singular and the culmination of atoms that have congealed into my existence, both presently and in previous configurations throughout my past lives, with the inclusion of all future ones.
I love them. I have an unhealthy obsession.
Me: OMG THEY ARE FANTASTIC
I FUCKING LOVE CASS WITH EVERY FIBER OF EVERY EXISTENCE THAT I LIVE, LIVED AND EVER WILL LIVE AND EVERYONE ELSE'S EXISTENCE.
I want to ask Misha Collins to dance the Time Warp with the serious Cass face on.
FUCK YOU FUCK EVERY BIT OF YOU ODIN I WANT PIMP SLAP YOU INTO THE NEXT REALM.
Me: Lord, grant me the patience to not turn everyone into tacos.
Friend: Why? Tacos are delicious! and if you prepare it right, human can taste just like carnitas!
Me: Because it's not "social acceptable" to make people into tacos... *angry hmph* It's not fair.
The most accurate description of me and all of my friend's relationship with me.
"You'll love me like the devil loves to drink his water laced with wine."
Guys I'm bored.
I want to RP.
I just need to write forever.
(channeling a certain favorite new stoner, Daniella hahahahah)
Me: Zim smashed her head against the keyboard in an attempt to transfer her thoughts onto the screen. "DUUUUDE. It doesn't work like this on our planet...."
Felix attempted to channel his inner energy and create world peace among his peers.
She just kinda killed everyone.
Me in regards to sports.
*talking about how Steff is Dean and Robert Downey Jr*
Me: Does that mean Rob is also Dean?
Steff: ...I think he's the anti Dean.
I think after the partying and bitches, dean you pimp slap the shit outta him for being himself and then dominate him in front of the Avengers to show him his damn place. Then Cas'd smite him out of jealousy.
Inshort, I need Iron man in the next Avengers movie, ALIVE, and without being emasculated in front of Captain.
I just had an image of Chris E and Jensen standing next to each other fan girling (with their adorable smiles), while watching Chris H and Jeremy standing next to each other smiling down and their baby/baby brother...
I'm not sure why.
But it's was adorable XD
That was the most adorable shit I've ever heard. I'ma be sick.
..... I know we ship Cass and Dean, but can we have a little Tony and Dean too? And occasionally drunk Cass?
Like Dean and Tony are just like talking about bitches and drinking and then start making out and Cass stumbles out from no where and is like. "Hey... Ass Butts. Room for one more?" And Tony's just like "Bitch you know it. Get that white feathery ass of yours on the flo'" And Deans like "Now wait a minute, Ton. Cass is drunk. Should we really take advantage of him?" And they both give eachother that look, you know that look the one where Tony has one eyebrow raised and Dean is doing the slightly pouty lip and they both grin and go "FUCK YEAH."
And then orgy.
Me:It's National Blueberry day.
Friend: Its also heterosexual awareness month
Me: I'm aware of the heterosexuals.
But people are being dicks with the blueberries.
How dare nature make a delicious berry that I cannot enjoy!
Okay, to my friends that are excited about Thor 2.
I understand how people don’t like Loki’s hair. Personally, I love it.
1.) It looks like bedroom hair to me which makes me imagine me appearing in his cell and doing <insert vulgar sexuals here> to him.
2.) He’s been imprisoned for what I assume has been a year. He hasn’t had the resources nor the will to fix his glorious mane *ahemcauseOdin’sadouchespaceshuttleahem*
But can we talk for a second about Thor’s hair?
This bitch needs to go back to Thor 1 hair. I loved Thor 1 hair. It was beautiful.
But now this bitch looks like a wana-be dwarf. Stop. Stop, Thor. I know you’re “Thor" and he’s “Thorin" but that doesn’t mean you steal his nephew’s hairstyles. Enough of this, or it will be you who is unworthy.
This is the evolution of his hair. I loved it shoulder length. He was precious and cute and you just wanted to pinch his cheeks while nailing him against a wall. In Avengers, it was slightly longer, but not by much, and looked a little more combed. Still cute and pinchable and precious. But then the sneakpeaks for Thor 2 came out and he had this combed back braided shit going on.
No, Thor. No.
And I know, that is Norse/Viking style with the long and the braidedness but still. He looks less precious. More just “Let me take you against the counter".
It’s probably cause he looks more manly now and that bothers me cause I love it when guys have a "AWW A PUPPY" quality about them.
“The split in 1993 was during the filming of Ed Wood and there were days he would come crying, I felt so bad. I asked him why it happened but all he said was, ‘It wasn’t her fault, it was mine.’ And when he met Kate in January of 94, it wasn’t the same as Winona. I felt weird to be around him like he wasn’t acting like Johnny anymore. It’s almost like Winona took Johnny’s soul, Johnny’s love.”
- Tim Burton
… That was painful. But it makes me smile that it was Tim saying this, since I like to pretend him and Johnny are bed buddies that occasionally invite Helena over for smexy times.
"Because cannibalism is inherently hilarious!"
I need to make a comic where I'm a super hero and my title is
"Dani Diaz, Dyke Defender of Dominicans!"
My powers are Adorablility and Supersass. I'm so adorable and sassy that people can't help but obey me.
But you'll come back, won't you?
You stare at the woman in front of you. Curse her with her good suit and her hat and that childish grin she always wore. Curse her with every fiber you had. She was the Doctor. You both had so many fun adventures together and now, standing here before you, she says she has to go? No. Not yet.
"But you'll come back, won't you?" You ask.
She stops, one foot in the door of that blue police box you were all too familiar with, and looks back at you. That child like smile was replaced with a softer, sweet one that dared to be hinted with regret. She could tell you the truth. Tell you were she was going and say not to miss her. That you were her favorite companion and this would be the last you ever saw of her. She could tell you a lie and say that you'd see her again one day, or this was all a game and she hates you. Or maybe this is all a dream and you're in a coma.
But she doesn't. She just shakes her head and mutters a soft "No". And you wished that you could have taken that in faster. You wanted to run and pound your fists against the TARDIS door and demand that she come back out. But you don't. You stand there in awe and heart break as the box shimmers and fades into the air. And you're left there. So you wait and watch and tremble.
Awww... Epic Rap Battles of History had a contest to go see them on set and I was too busy having a life to realize and enter...
They officially finished shooting the Hobbit.
My dreams of being a dwarf have been crushed.
We're going to breed my dog Anko.
I get to keep 1 puppy.
I'm getting it a little trenchcoat.
Guy: So will you go out with me?
Me: No, sorry. I don't internet date and I only date women.
Guy: Omg I've always wanted a lesbian girlfriend.
Me: ... dating a guy defeats the purpose of being a lesbian.
Guy: Its okay, I'm bisexual.
Went for a happy little walk.
I guess the bees didn't like my happy face.
I ran back.
A whole bunch of nope just went on.
Maybe I should just visit England and then move to Canada... Then I can giggle every time someone give me change.
I like my translation better
"Loki, stop being a nerd or I'll break all your nerdly stuff"
"FU Thor! You're just jealous that Gandalf would rather have me on an adventure!"
"... Gandalf the Grey? Helloo? Didn't you read Lord of the rings in highschool?"
"... No. I had sex in highschool."
"... Cool bro. Cool."
Oh my god there is a huge ass junebug in this house please someone come over and kill it for the love of god please
Why do they call soda soft drinks? That shit hurts like hell.
Me: I don't have ships.
I have an armada.
Meg: I call da booty!
Me: Da booty is mine! Me and da booty will go down with this ship!
Meg: We gotta make sure our ships got da booty.
Me: All of my ships got da booty.
Me: I let Thorin take care of da booty once.
He took care of it.
He took care of it good.
Steff: *stand quietly between both of you looking back and forth*....Put the crack pipes down and tell me wtf is goin on? Lol
Me: XD It's the same as when I let Cass take over my other ship, Steff. Dean was the cabin boy and he took care of Cass's captain's quarters.
He took care of it good.
Meg: They nees da booty for cushion.
Me: Thorin gets da booty on the booty which is guarded by my Cumberbooty
Steff: I feel third person dirty.. Lol
I had a dream that I was at some county fair and Eminem was auctioning 3 1967 Chevrolet Impalas. I got all 3 for 2,000 dollars. There was a red one, a tan one, and a black one. I took the black one, sold the other two for like 15,000,000 and me and Eminem became Dean and Sam.
... Heart? ... Buddy? Hey, Heart... *picks up pieces*
*cries* CURSE YOU FEELS! YOU BROKE MY HEART!
I'm probably one of the only people to be in this situation:
Friend: *looks at head* You have a grey hair.
Friend: Yeah, right here.
This is what happens when you leave me alone all night and it's 11 in the morning and I haven't had a wink of sleep or anything to eat because I'm scared.
*curled up in a half asleep half forcing self to be awake state of fear*
I am Buttman and my arch nemesis is PosTERRORor...
Random Fact: If I go to your house and there is a specific place(s) that I put my things every time I go there, it's called a Dani corner. This means that I am comfortable in your home and I've claimed it.
If Steff's case, she has created a doggy bed for whenever I'm there.
Robert Downey Jr. The only white guy who can play an asian man and a black man and it works.
Watching Dawn of the Dead. I am safe under the ballistic protection of the down comforter.
Sometimes I make very terrible decisions. Those decisions may or may include thinking that Dawn of the Dead is a good movie option.
Sora: Dani, I need the potatos cubed please.
Me: Don't you mean you want your potatos... CUBANED?! ;D
Sora: ..... Dork.
I really don't know why, but I like imagining that Robert Downey Jr does Zoidburg impressions in his spare time.
I was cutting up some chicken for dinner and I suddenly hear tiny squeaks. So I go "sora, did you hear that?" And go back to chopping. All of a sudden I hear "OH MY GOD DANI." To which I reply "KITTENS?!" And she goes "YES." So I forgot about food, ran over and helped Janova birth 4 kittens
TAKE THAT FOR VET EXPERIENCE.
Listening to "Carry on Wayward Son" makes me wana cry. Thanks Supernatural.
Since this is Facebook and I am me and do what I want, I would like to share my bit of progress with everyone. Most of you won't care, but this makes me happy so you should because everyone likes happy Dani.
I currently fit into a pair of pants that I did not fit into when I bought them.
They are slightly too big for me.
So I guess on the premier of Walking Dead season 4, Universal studios is going to have a walking dead section featuring the prison, some house and Woodbury.
Someone take me.
Claws carving lines down my throat and pouring vinegar into the wounds is the most accurate description I can come up with after having some A1 sauce.
Okay. So Professor Xavier is Patrick Stewart. And Magneto is Sir Ian McKellen, correct?
So does that mean Piccard works with Gandalf?
Think about it.
Magic + Science = Mutants.
You're. Fucking. Welcome.
Me: I love how in their sweet all American family, Dexter was german.
Shay: You have to be German to be a genius.
Me: haha... oh my god Dexter was Hitler.
I paid a penny for a huge ass roll of duct tape.
Rest in peace, Loki Loachyson. Good night, sweet prince. Long live the king.
Zach: its Lufeyson btw
Me: 1.) Its actually Laufeyson.
Me: 2.) its an inside joke for a loach fish named Loki. ergo Loachyson.
Sometimes I worry what other people think of me.
Other times I forget that other people think.
D: who knows justice better than Batman?
D: no. Batman eats, drinks and breathes justice. Ironman eats, drinks and breathes tequilla. You got justice confused with tequila.
Do you ever write something, stare at it for a while, then tell yourself "Yup. I'm tired."
Sometimes I have to remind myself that I'm a peace loving human.
Other times, I honestly believe I'm Satan.
There is a special place in Hell reserved just for me.
It's called the Throne.
So apparently, this is how my family works.
Brother: MOM YOU (insert horrible thing to call your mother here) DON'T TALK ABOUT ME DRINKING AND DRIVING I CAN DRIVE WHENEVER I WANT BLAHBLAHBLAH
Older sister: MOM YOU (insert 8 horrible things to call your mother here), I WANTED TO GO SEE MY FRIENDS TONIGHT MAKE DANI GIVE ME HER CAR BLAHBLAHBLAH
Mom: Aww okay I'm sorry Dani give me your keys.
Little sister: MOM YOU (insert 59 horrible things to call your mother here), I WANTED TO GO SEE MY FRIENDS AND MAKE HORRIBLE LIFE DECISIONS DRIVE ME EVERYWHERE BLAHBLAHBLAH
Mom: Aww okay I'm sorry let me drive you, pick up all your friend and buy you clothes and icecream.
Me: Mom, you're an asshole for negatively judging my friends that you've only met for 15 seconds.
Mom: THIS IS MY HOUSE HOW DARE YOU CALL ME AN ASSHOLE I'M GOING TO KICK YOU OUT.
Brother: DON'T YOU INSULT MY MOTHER.
Older sister: YEAH MOM GAVE BIRTH TO YOU, STOP BEING A JERK DANI.
Little sister: OMG YOU'RE SO HORRIBLE TO MOM WHO'S DONE NOTHING TO YOU.
"Leave my loneliness unbroken."
Speaking of which, someone help me. I'm terribly lonely.
Me: *shows Deirdre a picture of Tom Hiddleston's cheek bones*
Dei: Does he work at a barber shop...? ... as the tools.
Things I shouldn't find sexy:
A cannibal licking his lips.
Carry On Wayward son came on the suggestions on youtube and without thinking, I clicked it.
I'm actually crying right now.
*ugly curl in a ball crying*
I've decided that Carry On Wayward Son will no longer make me cry. I'm going to use it as exercise music to pump me out throughout the day. If Dean and Sam can Carry On, so can I.
People get disappointed when they make a reference to me that I probably won't understand because some part of you hopes that the door to my bucket opens sometimes.
This was also the year that the greatest thing that ever happened happened.. I was born
Things I eat that I probably shouldn't eat so much of:
Sometimes I have to remind myself that I'm a peace loving human.
Other times, I honestly believe I'm Satan.
Sister: You know mom dances to the beat of her own drum.
Me: Sometimes I don't that there is a drum. She's just dancing.
One of the many reasons I can't get a boyfriend:
One of the ways I am attracted to men is how much of a "AWWW A PUPPY" quality they have to them.
Apparently guys don't like being compared to an adorable puppy.
I clearly missed the memo.
When I first watched the Hobbit, this is how it went.
Me: Bofur is not James Nesbitt. You're lying.
Me: Mother of God...
Friend: Oh pffftt! Its Dr. Lecter
Me: I know! How dare they make that mistake! And I would get up and be like "I would like to personally thank Dr. Lecter."
"Ok-... How'd you know he was a doctor?"
... *creepy grin*
I'm a Cuddle Pimp.
NEW FAVORITE INSULT.
You self obsessed asspotato.
In the first gif Tom’s like “Hey-… Hey guys wait… Um… Can I be an Avenger too?” And Jeremy’s like “Oh Sure why not?” and Chris and Scarlet are pretending he’s not there and Rob is legitimately distracted by how fantastic he looks today. And Joss is like “Mark you stand there- What Tom?
And in the second one Jeremy’s like “Oh, no? Okay Joss. Won’t argue bossman.” And Chris is like “Don’tlookoverdon’tlookoverdon’tlook-okiejustapeek.” and Scarlet’s like “No. He can’t hang out with us.” And Rob snaps his head over like “Wait but who else will be sexy with me? I can’t be sexy alone with these losers.” And Mark’s like “No Tom. You’re not an Avenger. Go back to your stupid Frost Giant corner.” And Joss is like “Sorry man, but you can’t hang out with us. Hug?” and Tom’s like “Oh, no, It’s okay. I was just happy to be part of the process. I’ll sit over here now. Bless you.”
Also, I just noticed… Where the fuck is Evans?
I can't laugh histerically to myself in my house over fandom stuff because none of my family gets it.
Sister: You look like an insane person in a hospital room laughing to yourself.
Me: YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND, YOU'RE NOT PART OF THE FANDOM.
I am almost 99% sure my mom took the wrong baby home.
Me: Mom, what if you took home the wrong baby?
Me: Like in the hospital, when I was born. What if you took home the wrong one?
Mom: ... Wtf.
Me: Cause I don't really look like either side of our family. And I act really, reaaally different compared to everyone else. It would explain why I'm such a black sheep!
Mom: Oh my god... Wait, would you want to go to your real parents?
Me: Maybe. If they're like awesome hippies.
Mom: NO. YOU'RE MINE. I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH. THEY CAN'T HAVE YOU.
So I was looking up Maximillion Pegasus for the heck of it, and the Japan translation to his name is Pegasus J. Crawford.
Wait. Pegasus J. Crawford.
OH MY GOD PEGASUS IS FRIENDS WITH HANNIBAL LECTER.
Bad guy who is rich and fancy and wears suits all day? Fucking yes.
Sora: The only other time I want chocolate is chocolate covered pretzels.
*silence on the phone*
Sora: I can hear the face you're making.
Tom: I got you a present.
Me: WHAT IS IT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.
Tom: Not telling you.
Me: Give me the vaguest hint you can give.
Tom: .... Dehydration.
Me: wh- Aquaman? Did you get me Aquaman?
Tom: .... Yes. I got you Aquaman.
Nothing can get me down today. Wana know why? Cause I had PizzaHut.
Go ahead. Try and make me sad.
Let me give you an actual reason as to why I am Satan.
You'd never expect the adorable, charismatic, nicest little Cuban you've ever met to be the Devil.
Me: *at comic book store looking at the Marvel stuff* Hey look at this poster it's so- OH MY GOD THOR AND HIS STUPID HAT. Look at his hat! Its a stupid hat.
Older guy who was looking through comics: *looks slightly offended* You know that was a relic he brought from his home? From Asgard? Its part of his armor.
Me: ITS A STUPID HAT. You can't even deny that the original Thor helmet looks dumb as hell. Even Loki! I love Loki and the original Loki helmet was a tiara with horns. THEY ALL HAVE STUPID HATS.
Older guy: *cannot help but laugh because he knows I'm right*
I really am like Loki. I suck at revenge, but I'm awesome at annoying the shit out of people.
One of these things is not like the others ~
One of these things just apricot.
No, you don't understand, his voice will make you will grow ovaries, and then lose them.
So my home G's. Guess what fly news I've acquired?
I'm going to go to MassArt to get a certificate in furniture design.
*insert Play that funky music White boy here*
Tom: next time we see each other
You can either
1. grab my butt or
2. rape my butt.
Me: ... If I pick option 2, I technically get to do both. ;D
Me: I'll be gentle. Promise.
I told Tom I'd be gentle.
Actors are just normal people too...Except Robert Downey Jr. He's Ironman.
Me: You're expecting me to know about technology?
Me: Do you know what I use a computer for?
Me: Because occasionally I run out of pencils.
If I could sum up our friendship in the way of Dane Cook...
We wanted to bring each other into our world. And we did.
Steff and Dan
Went to a land
To try and find a buddy
Dan got tripped
By some asshole prick
And fell and got all muddy
Steff got pissed
And she didn't miss
And when he fled, screamed "F. U. mister!"
Steff did meet
Dan to her feet
And now they've found their sister
I was reading Jack and Jill and decided to make it an ode to our friendship
Me: I think the guy should win.
Steff and Amanda: why?
Me: cause he has an accent. Duh.
Me: *proud of Steff for losing a bunch of weight*
*continues slow clapping*
*Soon and entire stadium of people in Iron man masks are clapping and sending fireworks*
*Also RDJ is asking you to marry him*
Steff: lol You should be a life coach. You make people feel awesome.
My dog one day.
Okay, so taking The Walking Dead Zombies, the virus destroys most of your brain and leaves the core where your most basic skills to survive are left, while still being a mindless lump yes?
The way the zombies are, they shouldn't be able to climb, walk up stairs, open doors or anything.
What if, because the core of the brain is still on, your soul is semi attatched to the body? Like a bound soul? They say everything that makes you, you is gone and what's left is primial survival. What if that's why some of them can do those things?
Steff: "You gotta help me get pretty tomorrow before she gets here..."
Me: "Okay but that means we're gunna have to get up at like 9 tomorrow."
The odd spectrum of things I want to do as a career:
- Furniture designer/maker
- tattoo artist
- state executioner
- fashion designer
- english teacher
Life progress of the day. I called a store and talked to them for an entire 2 minutes.
That may not seem impressive to most, but let me reitterate.
I, Dani Satan Diaz, CALLED A COORPERATE THAT I DO NOT KNOW.
ON THE TELEPHONE.
WITH NO ONE TO CUDDLE ME.
FOR TWO ENTIRE MINUTES.
Out of any of the emotional scenes in Supernatural, (i.e. Dean crying, Sam crying, brother moment, father and son moment, heart break love moment etc) I think that Dean beating the crap out of Baby hurt me the most.
OH MY GOD DEAN JUST REFERENCED SILENCE OF THE LAMBS FOR THE LOVE OF- JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL
I really am one of the most socially unsocial people I know.
So me and Steff went to walk a dog for her work, and he was a black standard poodle named Dudley. He was very well behaved and loved the bajeebers out of me, and he seemed like the truest of gentlemen. It wasn't until later that I realized his owners left classical music on for this finest of canines. I'm calling him Sir Dudley from now on.
Me: I think the guy should win.
Steff and Amanda: why?
Me: cause he has an accent. Duh.
He won, btw
Me:What do you say? A fiddle of gold against your soul says I'm better than you...
Mike: Boy said my name's Johnny and I think it'd be a sin. But I'll take your bet, you're gonna regret, cuz I'm the best that's ever been.
35 minutes ago via mobile · Like
The Devil opened up her case and she said, "I'll start this show."
But instead of playin' fiddle, Johnny's head's where she put the bow
Cause a deal's a deal, but no deal yet was struck, when this bet he did agree
Cause's a devil's a devil, no matter the level, and from her, no soul is free.
Sometimes, Dean Winchester, you say things that make everyone very uncomfortable. An example of this would be:
Dean: Lets burn the bones.
Sam: ... She died last week.
Sam: .... There's not guna be bones. There's going to be rotting body.
Dean: .... And? Since when are you afraid to get down and dirty?
Again, sometimes you say these things and it makes everyone uncomfortable.
Everyone except me apparently.
Because my body is ready for you.
"Seduce my mind and you can have my body. Find my soul and I am forever yours."
Ha! Jokes on you!
I'm Satan, I don't have a soul.
Though my stomach is the size of a banana, there are 4 things I can and will consume in large quantities.
And Smart pop White Cheddar Popcorn.
||Show these comments on your site|