Can't be Real
By Kayliegh May
Her eyes closed to block out the stars that were becoming blurry with the tears that now trailed down her cheeks as she lay there. A careful hand slipped from hers and to her pale face, attempting to wipe away the small rivers that were still flowing from her dark blue pools. Without a thought she moved, burying her face against Jamie's shoulder, letting go all the attempts to stop the crying. It seemed they had been laying there on the blanket for hours, weeks, months, years as the snow started to fall over them, the crying having died down to a sniffle.
"Thank you Jamie, I think I really needed that, sorry though that you had to see it..." She said as she pulled her face from Jamie's shoulder, the cold finally cutting through her black turtleneck and dark blue jeans.
Jamie slowly shook her head with a gentle smile upon her features as she watched Candice, gods she's even beautiful when she cries, she thought as her hands slipped back into Candice's. "Don't be sorry, you know I'm always here for you, I swear... friends forever."
A small smile found itself upon Candice's features, lighting up her eyes it almost seemed. Candice wasn't just pretty, everything about her was beautiful from her dirty blonde hair to her perfect curves, but most noticeable of all her beauties was her shining personality - trusting, kind, forgiving, though up until the point she became friends with Jamie, alone and hurting inside. Even now she still found herself crying, but Jamie always seemed to bring a smile onto her face once more. One might wonder why such a beautiful and popular girl might be feeling so sad inside... but it was all due to memories of her ex boyfriend.
Together three years then out of the blue he left her... it had already been half a year since but she was still coming to terms that he was really gone.
Jamie hadn't ever been exactly the perfect person physically, but Candice couldn't ask for a better friend. Though most would only call Jamie homely, if notice her at all, Candice saw the beauty that was hidden inside of her friend.
Jamie’s light brown eyes shied away from Candice’s as she tucked the brown hair, which matched her eyes, back behind her ear. Candice’s face became a mask of confusion as Jamie's own features showed her in deep thought, questioning herself over and over in her mind. Should I tell her... how do you tell your best friend you’re a lesbian... and not only that but you think you love her... when do you ask this sort of thing?
Jamie’s thoughts stopped trying to force their way out as Candice’s hand gently squeezed hers, bringing her back to the moment.
“Jamie, what’s wrong... you have that worried look on your face...” Candice’s brow furrowed slightly in concern, Jamie only got that look when something important was bothering her.
Jamie took a few seconds, clearing her mind and expression, now was as good as any other time. “Candice, you know how I haven’t ever had a boyfriend right?” She waited for the slow nod and confusion on Candice’s face. “Yeah, well I think the main reason for that is I don’t like guys... not just I don’t like guys right now, not any... ever.”
Now it was Jamie’s turn, for the first time tonight, to wear a confused look as Candice grinned. “Hun, I’ve read your online journal, I know you’re a lesbian. Though I’ve been wondering why you haven’t brought it up before to me. I figured it’s nothing big that will hurt me, so I’d let you tell me when you were comfortable to. Jamie, we’re friends, you can trust me with anything.” Jamie blinked in surprise as she watched Candice, well that part was a lot easier than she had expected it to be.
Jamie let herself lay on her side as Candice laid back beside her. Shouldn’t I be able to outright ask her... she thought as she looked at Candice’s pale skin, made to glow in the moonlight. “Candice, there’s this girl I’m really into at our school, and I need your opinion. She’s the same age as us, and I’m wondering... should I just ask her out? I don’t even know if she likes me like that... y’know. What would you do?”
Candice peered at the stars in thought, her eyes reflecting the shining points of light. “I don’t know who wouldn’t like you, I mean, unless she’s straight. Is she a lesbian?”
Slowly Jamie laid on her back and sighed. “That’s part of the problem, I’m pretty sure she’s not, but... maybe there’s a slim chance that she could be bisexual right?”
“Then tell her... I mean, she deserves to know in a way. If you don’t ask you’ll waste your time wanting someone who might not even like you. Go for it babe. Are you going to let me know who it is yet?” Candice rolled closer to Jamie and hands reached in attempts to tickle Jamie’s sides. Jamie squirmed about under the merciless attack and giggled wildly.
“Fine! Fine! I’ll tell, eee! Stop!” A slight panting being heard only after Candice’s fingers finally pulled away, a giggle from Candice as she watched her friend regain her normal breathing pattern.
“Mmk, spill babe,” open grin was watched by Jamie and returned, though the slight nervousness was quite obvious. “Promise I won’t tease.”
It’s not teasing I’m worried about, Jamie thought to herself. “Alright, alright, but first one more question since your advice has brought it to mind.”
An over exaggerated sigh was heard, but Jamie knew it was in mock due to Candice’s still shining grin. “Alright, shoot hun.”
Jamie nodded and let her words fly. “I know we’ve been best friends for only about five months, but I think... no... I know... Candice, I love you...” her voice trailed off.
Candice didn’t mean to let her eyes widen and jaw go slightly slack... but it happened... a few words drifting out that weren’t meant to be said. “Oh my god...”
Jamie’s insides seemed to knot at the reaction, her eyes starting to gather tears, having taken Candice’s expression and words for a bad sign, she quickly raised to her feet as the snow began to fall harder. “I’m sorry... I... I’m sorry.” The words had barely left her lips before she turned and ran, her tears threatening to freeze on her cheeks.
The light snow within the little while had began to fall harder... the wind blowing it quickly and powerfully as Candice slowly raised, still in shock. Jamie... loved her? The way she said it... couldn’t be mistaken for the love for a friend... she was the one who Jamie had been talking about. Crap, good going... she’s run off now you idiot. Candice quickly picked up the blanket and wrapped it about herself after shaking the snow away. She cared about Jamie... she’d liked Jamie for a long while, she just was too surprised to have said anything of intelligence. She knew though it wouldn’t be fair to Jamie that she still wasn’t over her ex boyfriend. Shaking her head she wished she could just kick herself in the ass for having reacted like a fool.
Candice stopped in her tracks as she heard tires squeal and a scream up ahead. She quickly moved, discarding the blanket, now only being able to see about ten feet ahead of her as the wind blew the dancing snow about. As Candice reached the road she heard someone talking, she wasn’t sure who it was, but she saw a car and red littering the snow.
Moving toward the voice quickly she lost her balance, tripping over an unidentified object. A slight yelp escaped her lungs as she fell into a red liquid. Pulling her face up she turned about, her fingers and face stinging because of the cold as she looked over to see what she’d tripped on, the voice of the stranger still talking to themselves... most likely on a phone... left her mind.
Everything left her mind as her eyes flooded with tears, moving to lift the head drenched in the sticky red substance that now stained her hands and snow. She didn’t hear the ambulance nearing as she cried.
I’m dreaming, no I’m not dreaming... I’m having a nightmare. This couldn’t be real... I won’t believe it's real. The blood isn’t real, the cut in her head... the source of the blood... not real, that isn’t real either, it can't be. Jamie’s lifeless eyes that stared through her, to nowhere... that can’t be real.
She screamed lashing out as someone attempted to pull her away from the lifeless body, she couldn’t feel her own body, the cold numbness, no this wasn’t real. It can't be real.