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Flex (If you cannot convince them, confuse them..)

Member #871 created: 2002-10-31 13:57:29Simple URL:   

Name: Flemming Larsen


Enter the Matrix...


"Angel amongst angels"
Hangs on the wall of my most beloved friend and companion in this world.

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Elftown titles and orders
InterpreterStreet childAdventurer


A warm welcome

to the far side of the web (Now with an obscene artificial lemon flavour): Your portal to emptiness...
In the following year I have promised myself, to make a massive effort to improve YOUR enjoyment of this page. I will use different advanced techniques such as occasional updates, maintenance and extensions.
I dream of a time with my own server, interactive things and peace on earth (Though this will be postponed a year or two yet).
In a near future I will be able to offer online absolution and reports of visits on 'the other side'.

Who/what is Flex?

Flex is the original founder of this house.
He originated as a manifestation of an abstract notion which has been forgotten long ago.
He has therefore a lot in common with God, and a joke which one has forgotten the point to.
In most peoples conscience he is associated in appearance with the philanthropist and Lire-millionaire Flemming Larsen.
It has been said that he has seen the truth, but has been quoted to say "I have forgotten how it looks''.
While it is being discussed back and forth whether one actually can present a 'Flex' evidence, and while the theorists involves themselves in deep thoughts regarding the paradox and slightly blasphemous claim of his existence, we will only say that he has the power of playing with words until the language brakes and fails. 
An eternal manic hunt to obtain the status of 'stereotype' has so far kept him from reaching his goals.
Seen from the outside, he is doomed to fail, because he is - against his will - often considered as a very original person. If he could only see this, it would not be impossible that one day he could be accepted as a true weirdo.
Amongst his most positive characteristics are childishness, megalomania, insane humour, and laziness.
Though he does also suffer from characteristics such as: charm, sympathetic disposition, loyalty to his friends and being a gentleman. 
His eternal hunt for experience and knowledge has taken him far across the vast spaces of the web, and deep into the infinite minds of his fellow pocket-philosophers, and even now, he is restless when it comes to learning and become acquainted with new ways of thinking.
In the previous years on this planet, he has obtained skills within the artistic fields of pencil work, photography, writing, jewellery making and graphics (not necessarily in that order), though none of these has led to anything remotely serious because of his roaming nature.
Mathematically speaking he is very closely related to the figure 42.
Chemically he is identical to whiskey.


Interview with a "manifestation of an abstract notion"
-Special extended editors cut version-

Q: Before we start this interview, I would just like to point out that there's water on the table there.
A: Well, they say we're ninety-eight percent water. We're that close to drowning... (Picks up the glass of water from the table)… I like to live on the edge...
Q: Are you comfortable in here?
A: Yeah, but is it weird in here, or is it just me?
Q: Ok, let's get on with it…
A: Yeah, let's…
Q: Why the nickname "Flex"?
A: Well, actually the name Flex comes from a long time of doing everything and anything on the same time, I'm flexible…what can I say…
Q: Your eyes are blue, why?
A: To make a long story short…That's because the visible light are electromagnetic waves with a wavelength between 400 and 700 nanometres, and because light with different wavelength are broken up differently, and therefore interpreted as different colours. Mine happens to be somewhere between 460 and 500. To be completely accurate, colors does not exist - our brain only interprets the different wavelenghts as different colors so that we are able to disdinguish between objects…was that answer enough for you?
Q: No really…why?
A: Really, that's it!
Q: (Stares with a slight disbelieve)
A: Well ok, maybe it has something to do, with what I found out during the three year study I did of my family tree. More than six hundred years of true Viking blood. more than six centuries of Viking genes passed on from father to son. A true heir to the legacy, and proud of it. Blond hair, blue eyed, and well build are the marks on my body, which indicates, that in here lays a true Viking.
Q: I hear that your main goal are the police academy , why the police? 
A: Well, as time has progressed I have become aware of an urgent need to become a police officer.Only a few things stand in my way of a career as an officer of the law - some of them which I have already passed with brilliance.
1. A physical test only surpassed by the Navy Seals, Hunter Force, and other such agencies by a few minor details. This test including: Running, swimming, diving, climbing, First aid, shooting, and several other test which presses one's physical limit to the maximum.
I have already trained my body to a state close to perfection, passed all of these tests, and will have no problem doing it again for real.
2. High qualifications within Danish, English, Mathematics, Physics, Psychology, Physique and social studies. All of these with a score no lesser than an 8 (That would be B in the U.S.)Some of these I have already passed, the rest I am currently perfecting my knowledge in.
3. A psychological test which shall determine if I will be mentally able to do the job. I will probably be rejected on this one though, due to my enormous amount of bounced reality checks…
4. A teamwork test which proves fatal for eighty percent of the ones that passes the first tests. This test will determine if one are able of working together with others, only having known them for mere minutes. This is the ultimate cooperation test. A test of personality and humanity as much as a challenge in personal development in a matter of seconds and fatal minutes. 
5. An enormous, mind-bogglingly brilliant flash of blind luck… There are six thousands applicants each year - about thirty of them make it through…the best, of the best, of the best. Which I inevitably will pass, of course…I hope…
My primary objective will be to become a member of the P.E.T. agency… No, it has NOTHING to do with dogs, cats or other furry household animals! It would be translated to "Police Intelligence service", and are a mixture of F.B.I., C.I.A and the N.S.A. Taking care of such things as federal crimes, international criminality, anti terror and other such extremely delicate high priority politically affairs, this is with no doubt what I am looking forward to get my mind and body genuinely wrapped into in a near future.
Should the P.E.T. choose to reject my application due to lack of experience in the first try. I will enlist in the P.I.S. which is the Danish answer to S.W.A.T. and make my way through their anti terror department to the very top of the Danish police force…NOTHING will stand in my way!
Look out people of crime around the world! Here comes the new generation of crime fighters!

Q: Ok, that's the most mind-bogglingly long answer I have EVER heard…
A: Hey I just answer the questions here, ok?
Q: Ok, ok, my bad…
A: (mumbling) Bastard…
Q: But if your main goal is the police, why have you joined the military?
A: Because it will provide me with an education that only few people are capeable of aquirering. Not only does it make me a merconom (holder of graduate diploma in business studies), but it will also provide me with a B.Com. (Bachelor of Commerce), a management and a leadership education that will garantee my success in the future, no matter what I should choose to do. Besides, it will allow me to push my physical as well as psychological limitations even further than I have already done. It's a win-win situation.
Q: You smoke, why?
A: Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before… Oh yeah, Why does anybody smoke? ...maybe it's a desire to be in control over ones own life…maybe it's a desire to live life on the edge…hell maybe I just do it, to look cool…
Q: Any hobbies?
A: Lots, lots of lots in fact…but mainly kickboxing, bodybuilding, drawing, reading, writing, listening to music, long strolls on the beach…in fact I think it might be easier if you just asked me what I don't like…
Q: You train kickboxing. Are you any good at it?
A: Ha! I am so fucking dominant in my fighting, I punch MYSELF in the face…
Q: (mumbling) self-satisfied bastard…
A: Hey… (Waving fist) You are asking for it…
Q: Have you ever been beaten then?
A: Yeah, but success isn't in never falling, but in rising every time we fall...
Q: Why don't you dance instead? At least that's non-violent…
A: Because consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a disjointed Pinocchio...and I need a few drinks before I dance…
Q: Ok, what don't you like? 
A: Is that a trick question?
Q: I ask the questions around here…remember?
A: Ok, I don't like smartasses that tell people what to do…
Q: (Blushes) Are there anything in our civilization that puzzles you?
A: In fact there is… I can't seem to understand why people give each other flowers to celebrate various important occasions…they're killing living creatures. Why restrict it to plants? "Sweetheart, let's make up. Have this deceased squirrel…"
Q: How on earth did you ever learn to use the language like that?
A: Some of my first encounters with language came as a young boy, learning about what was ok to say and what wasn't. Do you remember when you where a little kid and saying "fuck" were a big deal because it used to get you punished big time?
Personally I use to get my mouth washed with soap, so I hatched up a scheme. Rather than saying "fuck" directly, I told my mom what some foul-mouthed kid down the road had said. This way I wasn't really saying it…I was just repeating what some other guy said. So I boldly strode into the kitchen going "Mom! Mom! Rasmus down the street said, Fuck and cocksucker!" I figured if I was going for it, I might as well go for it! Of course my mom would just say "Nice try kid" and slap me silly, but that's not the point. The point is that I learned to play with the language!

Q: Do you consider yourself an intilligent person?
A: Hmm... good question... Without saying too much, and sounding too selfsatisfied, I can say this:
My measured IQ is in the higher end of the scale - tested and approved by Mensa... But then again, what is intelligence really?

Q: Are you a democrat or repuplican?
A: It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried. I'm a democrat
Q: Do you like politics then?
A: Yes. I believe that politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy. I like that way of thinking...
Q: Ok, Any brothers and sisters?
A: Two elder brothers. I Love to hate them, and hate to love them; they are the best damn brother anybody could ever have. Actually I live together with the youngest of them, and I really like the outcome of it.
Q: Relationship?
A: What about it?
Q: Do you have one?
A: No, not at the moment, but do you know anyone who are Intelligent, sophisticated, creative, funny, romantic, sexy, sarcastic, ironic, predatorily minded, beautiful, and has the freedom in her heart that would let me be the sun that warms her, the moon that makes her mind drift, and the stars that she loves to watch. And at the same time be the fire that turns me on, the water that brings me life, the earth that keeps my feet on the ground and the air that I breathe?
Q: Aahmmm, no…
A: Figures…
Q: Sounds like you are in for a long search there my friend…
A: Well I know her, but she is on the other side of the planet at the moment…
Q: On a score from one to ten, how hot are you?
A: Way off the chart. I'm so hot, the devil sends me fan mail...
Q: Anyway…places on earth would you like most like to see?
A: My first and foremost choice would be the Seven Wonders of the World. But besides that, I would like to wander the deserts of Africa, dive in the corals of Australia, hike in the highlands of Scotland, and marvel at the natural wonder of the Grand Canyon. I could go on and on…
Q: Are there people you won't reply to if they write?
A: probably you…but I guess not.
Q: Who is the nicest person that you have met this year?
A: Well, since I don't believe that I have actually met any of the people that I write with here, my answer must be my comrades in pain, the incredible police project of HFC…peace out guys and girls!
Q: Person you rather not have met this year?
A: Um…you?
Q: (mumbling something not understandable)
Q: Who would you most like to meet?
A: Sigmund Freud…I would love to pick his brain…He was one screwed up weird person…
Q: Who do you admire most?
A: Argh! …that's a tuff one…anybody who loves what they do, and do it well, I guess…
Q: Most sexy person(s)?
A: (Pulls out a list)…hmm…who to chose…
Q: Pyjamas or in the nude?
A: Getting a little personal are we? ...always in the nude…
Q: Favourite Car?
A: Anything that are painted with the colour "GFR" (Go Faster Red)
Q: Favourite Writer?
A: Stop with the short-favourite-questions will ya'?!...anyway, since I can't choose just one I'll have to go with Douglas Addams, H.P. Lovecraft, J.R.R. Tolkien, Dean Koontz, Steven King, and Tom Clancy… 
Q: You could only pick one…
A: And I choose several…bad luck…
Q: What is your lucky number?
A: What sort of question is that anyway? ...I guess I'll have to stick with Douglas Addams on this one and go with 42…
Q: Do you spend your time rather inside or outside?
A: Well I was brought up with the wild forest as my front yard, and the roaring ocean in my back yard…I cannot exist without nature…I love the summer sun warming my body as well as the winter snow covering the forest in a white blanket of beauty.
Q: Oookay…Any pets?
A: Yeah, Last year I expanded the family with a small kitten that was born on the 27th of April…he was the cutest little black furry thing. His was named Tjalfe, a name from Norse mythology. But by now he's a short haired, yellow eyed, evil-as-Satan-himself monster, equipped with twenty razor sharp claws capable of ripping through skin, flesh and sinew; leaving marks on the very bone...don't get me started on his teeth… But despite the fact that I don't have to pay for scar-tattoos any time soon; I love him dearly.
Q: It sounds like you want to do things the hard way?
A: The hard way… definitely the hard way…otherwise where are all the challenges?
Q: Do you want to be cremated or buried when you are dead?
A: Cremated, and spread into the ocean, so that when the time comes, I will be spread across the world.
Q: Left or Right?
A: (Checking both sides) Right
Q: Right?
A: Right!
Q: What would you ask God if you could ask him one single question?
A: Why?
Q: Why what?
A: That's the questions I would ask him: Why?
Q: Oh…
Q: You are very different in you answers, you know that?
A: Well, you see my mind works like lightning…one brilliant flash and it's all gone…
Q: What is the weirdest thing you have done lately?
A: Ahhh… so many answers to choose from… well; about three days ago I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time." So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance. They where pretty confused…
Q: What's your goal in life?
A: To live life to the full, to see everything there is to see, and to love and to be loved… but the data of life is transferred from parent to child. That's how it works. We're all born with an expiration date. Life is nothing but a grace period to turn our genetic information into the next generations… What I want is to be remembered by people, by history…
Q: Do you fear the future?
A: A strong man does not need to fear the future, he creates his own.
Q: Any new year promises?
A: Yep, broken everyone last one of them…
Q: He he…Last words when you die?
A: Somethin' the matter? Because your lips keep sticking to your teeth. Or is that your idea of a smile?
Q: Just answer the question…
A: Been there, done that…
Q: If you where granted eternal life, what would you do?
A: Well, many dream of eternal life, even though they do not know what to do on a rainy Sunday afternoon…In the end, it is not the amount of years in your life that counts - it's the amount of life in your years. I am not afraid of dying; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Q: Then you are afraid of dying…?
A: No, I just figured that we are afraid of falling when, when we should afraid of the sudden stop…
Q: Are you going to heaven or hell?
A: Neither heaven nor hell will have my soul. They think that if I go to Heaven the angels will turn evil. And they fear to send me to hell because they know I'll take over…
Q: If you had been in another mood, would there have been any alterations in what your answers would have been in this interview?
A: Well I would probably have changed No. 2, 8, 9, 21, 21B, and 42…
Q: (Stands up) You're crazy…you know that?
A: I'm not crazy; I'm just a sane person trapped in the body of a lunatic.
Q: Oh, by the way...the sentence that bothers you the most…?
A: Well, many people say that it can hardly be a coincidence, that there are no know language on our planet that has ever been known to produce the expression “as wonderful as having the flu” But why is that anyway? It allows you to pull a day out of the schedule to read a good book. It gives you a good reason not to go visit your aunt, whom you really hate. It gives you an excuse to call in sick at work or school. It feels nice to curl up under a blanket or a duvet while watching a good movie. You can smell like a baboon's butt and nobody complains. You realize that people on the “Jenny Jones” and “Ricky Lake” talk shows have more miserable lives than yourself. And last but not least…it allows you to take sedatives legally…
Q: Favorite Bad-guy?
A: Hmm... Nicolas Cage / John Travolta in "Face off" - and I quote: "If I where to send you flowers where would I... No, let me refraise that. If I where to let you LICK my tongue, would you be grateful?" Said to an undercover cop posing as a stewerdess
Q: Goodbye…(Walks out)
A: What? …Was it something I said?


NB. There are no flaws on this page. I am aware of everything, and everything has a deeper meaning.
All apparent flaws are well considered means of making you think. 


Status so far for my examns... traveling further towards my goal...

Mathematics: A+
Sports/Anatomy: A
Psycology: A-
Social science: A
Advanced danish: A-
Geology: A
Advanced English: A+
Psysics: A
Chemestry: A


"Plus esse quam simulatur in saecula saeculorum"

Age: 34Year of birth: 1979Month of birth: 2Day of birth: 27

Gender: male

Fantasy race personality: Elf
Elftownworldmap 55°21.582'N 11°11.178'E

Place of living: Denmark

Town: Taarbæk

Known languages

Elfwood artist: Yes

Elfwood writer: No

Elftown crew wannabe: Yes

Favorite drawing objects

Computer interests
action gamesartchat
emailgraphicsinformation seeking
musicPythonstrategy games
use communitiesvideoweb design

adult popalternativeblues
folk musicgothgrunge
heavy metalhip hophouse
jazzpopprogressive metal

Other interests
chasing the preferred sexchesscrime stories
politicspornrole playing

Civil status: strange

Sexual preference: opposite sex

Body shape: muscular

Height: 181

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