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x1reason4meisyou

Member #40852 created: 2004-02-12 03:08:21Simple URL: http://www.elftown.com/x1reason4meisyou   

Name: Amanda

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meee homecoming '05

drawing

Me again

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Description:
Here are two poems that I wrote..Let me know what you think, and if you can come up with a title for the first one.

Untitled...

Im so tired of Breathing
Overpowered by all of my everlasting fears
I've tried to destroy the pain
and, I only gained more
I lay crying
While I pour deep regret
Im crying, Screaming
Am I too depressed to be secure?
Am I too depressed?

Then, you saw me grieving my love for you.
And touched my shoulder
I thought you loved me then
I believed in you
I would have given up everything for you
I must be with you to exist, to breathe
You're controlling my life

I look in the mirror and imagine your face
I look deeply
I try to see what is inside
But, it just disappears
And there is nothing.

^^ What do you think about that?? ^^
   ((message me))


Deep Inside..

Deep Inside I still love you,
But I just continue to fight it.
Deep inside I still hate you,
But I love the way you make me feel.
Deep Inside I want to cry,
because I love you and hate you at the same time,
But I don't want you to get hurt anymore. Or myself.
Deep inside, my real feelings are hidden among my fake ones that throw people off.
I can't explain why,
but that's how it happens.
Deep Inside I know what's going to happen,
I just have to find out what it is.

^^ What do you think about that?? ^^
   ((message me))



You Never Realize how much you love someone until they're gone,
But once you finally get it back, you don't know what you were thinking.
Then, you let them go and it starts all over again.
Eventually, you realize that it's best to just let them go instead of hurting them over and over again.
But you hurt yourself constantly when you think about what you're doing.
You promise yourself it's different this time, and they take you back,
but it happens again and again.
You find yourself unable to commit to anyone for fear of hurting them.
But you lose yourself and are caught in your emotions,
unable to decide if it's real or not,
so you become confused and depressed and you think about why you live when all you do is hurt people.


^^I didn't like the old ending i had in that, so i took it out ((it didn't make any sense)), so it is unfinished..But what do you think? I don't like it.



I feel for you like I've never felt before.
But you don't seem like you care,
because you're never there,
to comfort me when I'm down.
And you're never there to hold me when I'm scared.
We used to be so close.
I don't know what happened,
but my love for you will never change,
I just hope it will be returned someday


^Sucks


001: Name: Amanda
002: Nickname: Mandy, Manda, Manderz
003: Country of living: USA
004: Birthdate: July 2nd
005: Hair Length: shoulders
006: Eye color: Brown
007: Shoesize: 7-7 1/2
008: School/work: School
009: You smoke: No
010: Hobby's: horseback riding
011: Brothers/Sisters: 1 brother, 2 sisters
012: Relationship: Friends: Keri [sexibaby69], Robby [punkrockdude8502], Joey, Allison, Jamie, Angel, Erika, Brandon Boyfriend: Steve
013: Piercing(s): 3 in each ear, belly button 
014: Tattoo: No, But I will have one eventually 
015: Fave Country to go to: Australia, Germany, Mexico 
016: Are there people you wont reply to?: i talk to anyone and everyone...im always up for a chat
017: Nicest person you met this year: Steve
018: Person(s) you rather not have met this year: hmmm..I dunno
019: Who would you like to meet:  anyone
020: Who do you admire most: my family and friends
021: Most sexy person(s): uh..idk 
022: Favorite Pajamas: underwear.
023: Favorite Car: I like hondas 
024: Favorite Movie(s): too many to name
025: Favorite Music: everything.
026: Favorite City(s): I dunno 
027: Favorite Plush: don't really have one
028: Favorite Perfume: Love Spell, from Victoria Secret That stuff is the shit 
029: Favorite Magazine: Anything 
030: Favorite sound: silence!! 
031: Favorite TV-series: Will & Grace, Friends, Third Watch, ER
032: Favorite Author: J.K Rowling, Stephen King, Dean Koontz
033: Favourite Nickname: I dunno 
034: What is on your mouse pad: ravens 
035: What all is under your bed: school stuff
036: Favourite colour: Black, Silver, Baby Blue, Red
037: Favourite Song ever: *pour some sugar on me* by Def Leppard, *Right here* by Staind, The whole My Chemical Romance CD, a bunch of other shit
038: Favourite song at this moment: idk
039: Favourite food: I don't know 
040: Favourite class at school: Wellness Walking..heh jk..umm..My fave class is Algebra 2, but that was last year. at the time..it is computer programming. 
041: Favourite drink: Anything Smirnoff
042: Lucky number: I don't know 
043: What do you think that is greatest about yourself: hm..I don't know.. 
044: What deodorant do you use: degree
045: Favourite shoes: flip-flops. 
046: What time do you go to bed on weekdays: when im tired
047: What word(s) do you use most: ummmm
048: Most romantic moment in your life: Im not really sure. 
049: Most embarrassed moment of your life: idk 
050: You spend your time rather inside or outside: outside
051:What do you do in the weekends: talk to friends, chill with people 
052: What class in school do/did you dislike most: Art 
053: Your Breakfast: I dont eat breakfast 
054: What do you really dislike to eat: Nasty food 
055: Pets: dog
056: Laugh or dream: laugh.
057: Serious or funny: both..Depends when
058: Fast or slow: Fast
059: You prefer being alone or have relation: um..depends
060: Simple or Complicated: both
061: Cremate or Buried when dead: I think buried so that I can be next to whoever I love and my family
062: Sex or alcohol: alcohol. crazyness 
063: Stay up late or go to bed early: Stay up late.
064: Light or dark?: both
065: Speak or Silence: depending on my mood
066: tall or small guys: taller then me
067: News paper: No
068: Hug or kiss: both...lots of both
069: Happy or Sad:i preffer being happy althou im almost always sad
070: Life or Death: ...
071: Gig or Disco: neither
072: Left or Right: Right
073: Sausages on top, or on the side: ????
074: Dark/ red/ Blonde: all three?
075: What would you ask god if you could ask him 1 single question: What is my purpose in life? 
076: you believe in reincarnation: sometimes
077: you believe in Aliens: hmm..idk
078: When you die, what will be your last word: I have no idea 
079: Does true love exist? Yes
080: How many kids would you like to have?: 1 or 2 
081: What is the thing you can't stand: when people treat you like youre a worthless peice of shit just because you're different then them...and not being able to be with the ones i love
082: Best feeling: friendship and love
083: Worst feeling in the world: Friendship and love
084: What are you afraid of: I dont know 
085: Are you an emotional person: yes tho i tend not to be in front of others
086: You cry while watching a movie? depends on the movie
087: Your goal in life: to live life to the fullest and be the best i can be
088: What was the promise you made to yourself at New Years Eve: i didnt promise myself anything
090: As what animal would you like to reincarnate: ask me when i get to
091: What is the most beautiful part on the female body: dunno...you GUYS wanna say somethin?
092: Most original place to ask your lover to marry you: in a horse drawn carriage
093: What do you think of elftown? great
094: Is there something you miss about elftown? .....
095: Besides elftown, what do you do most on your PC: listen to music
097: Favorite Actor: The man that plays Stabler on Law & Order: SVU 
098: Favorite Actress: The woman that plays olivia benson on Law & Order: SVU 
099: Favorite Animes: hmm..
100: Favorite Mangas: hm...
101: Blah: ?
102: What super power do you wish to have: to be able to go back in time
103: Your gender: girl
104: Straight/gay/BI: straight
105: Single: yea i always fuck up relations...*sniffle*
106: Want to be: whatever I become. 
107: Age you act: hm..I dunno..Depends 
108: Age you wish you were: 21..
109: Your height: 5'1-2"
110: Happy with it: heck yes 
111: The color of your hair: Brown
112: Happy with it: yes
113: Left/right/ambidextrous: Right
114 Your living arrangement: live in my house with my mom, dad, brother and dog 
115: What's your job: I quit. I am going to work as a waitress or at a department store..who knows
117: Obsessions: school..
118: Do you speak another language: some spanish
119: Have a favorite quote: If you can remain friends with an ex, either you still love them or never did 
120: Do you have a WebPage: yeah..
121: Do you live in the moment: Sometimes
122: Do you consider yourself tolerant of others: Depends in what mood I am in and why and when 
123: Do you have any secrets: yes
124: Do you hate yourself: sometimes, yes 
125: Do you like your handwriting: sometimes
126: Do you have any bad habits: yes
127: What is the compliment you get most from people: I'm hot/sexy/gorgeous/cute,etc,. 
128: If a movie were made about your life, what would it be called: I don't know 
129: What's your biggest fear: fear.
130: Can you sing: Yeah..But I suck
131: Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool: not at all if you don't like me for who i am, i'm not going to change for you.
132: Are you a loner: yes, sometimes
133: If you were another person, would you be friends with you: Maybe
134: Are you a daredevil: yes!
135: Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself: I think I hate the way I act at some times...
136: Are you passive or aggressive: ummmm?
137: Have you got a question: not really
138: What is your greatest strength and weakness: ????
139: If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be: My attitude 
140: There are three wells, love, beauty and creativity, which one do you choose: love
141: How do you vent: Depends what it is..Most of the time I just tell someone what's going on
142: Do you think you are emotionally strong: not completely 
143: Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life: yes i regret a lot of things i have done. 
144: Do you think life has been good so far: yes. I mean, I can't change it so why should i be worried about it. There are things I wish I could change, but it all adds up to the person I become in the future. 
145: What is the most important lesson you've learned from life: 
145: What do you like the most about your body: Well, in a way, I like my curves, but then i hate them, so I'm not entirely sure
146: And least: my curves...Didnt I just say that?
147: Do you think you are good looking: Yes and No 
148: Are you confident: sometimes
149: What is the fictional character you're most like: i dont know
150: Do people know how you feel: No..
151: Are you perceived wrongly: yes, i believe so.
152: Smoke: No
153: Do drugs: No
154: Read the newspaper: No
155: Pray: sometimes
156: Go to church: sometimes
157: Talk to strangers who IM you: yea
158: Sleep with stuffed animals: No
159: Take walks in the rain: I like to.
160: Talk to people even though you hate them: yes
161: Drive: yes
162: Like to drive fast: yeah it's ok 
163: Liked your voice: I have to, don't I? 
164: Hurt yourself: No. not for a long time. 
165: Been out of the country: yes
166: Eaten something that made other people sick: no
167: Burped: Yeah
168: Been unfaithful: no. 
169: Been in love: Yes, and I still am in a small part of me. 
170: Done drugs: yes
171: Gone skinny-dipping: no
172: Had a surgery: no
173: Ran away from home: yeah, but it was pointless
174: Played strip poker: yup.
175: Gotten beaten up: No,
176: Been picked on: no...
177: Been on stage: umm..no
178: Been so drunk that you can't remember your name?: Yeah..twice
179: Slept outdoors: Yep
180: Thought about suicide: yes, when i was younger. 
181: Pulled an all-nighter: lol yes! the first day of school-big report due-waited til the last minute. you get the picture.
182: If yes, what is your record: I stayed up for two days. umm..Got up around 12-2 one day..didn't sleep til the following night probably around 9-10. 
183: Gone one day without food: yeah
184: Talked on the phone all night: yes
185: Slept together with the opposite sex without actually having sex?: yea
186: Slept all day: so much fun!
187: Killed someone: no
188: Made out with a stranger: probably. I was a dumb little kid. even though I still am sometimes-just not that dumb 
189: Had sex with a stranger: nope
190: Thought you're going crazy: YES!!
91: Kissed the same sex: No
192: Done anything sexual with the same sex: no
193: Been betrayed: yes
194: Had a dream that came true: yes
195: Broken the law: yes
196: Met a famous person: er..no.
197: Have you ever killed an animal by accident: probably
198: Stolen anything: Yep
199: Been on radio/TV.: no
200: Been in a mosh-pit: no
201: Had a nervous breakdown: yes
202: Considered religious vocation: ....
203: Are you a virgin: uh..no
204: Bungee jumped: no 
205: Had a dream that kept coming back: Yes 
206: Believe in life on other planets: no
207: Miracles: yes
208: Astrology: yea
209: Magic: not really
210: God: yes
211: Satan: Yeah
212: Santa: no
213: Ghosts: yep
214: Luck: yes
215: Love at first sight: yes
216: Yin and Yang: idk
217: Witches: yes ..hehehe
219: Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever: yes
220: Believe there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow: lol..
221: Do you wish on stars?: yea
222: Do you remember your first love?: true love? yup..still friends. meaning-we still love each other i guess. but don't tell my bf, k? 
223: Still love him/her: I think so. 
224: Do you consider love a mistake: its not a mistake...its painful and you can get hurt...but no not a mistake
225: What do you find romantic: i cant describe it
226: Turn-on: hmm..No comment
227: Turn-off: A lot of things
228: Do you base your judgement on looks alone: Not at all..I admit looks count, but that isn't what it's all about.
229: If someone you had no interest in dating expressed interest in dating you, how would you feel: id feel awkward...its a hard postion to be in..
230: Do you prefer knowing someone before dating him or her or going "blind": you can find true love either way.
231:Whats your favourite weather: it depends on my mood..
232: Do you think the opposite sex finds you attractive: Some people. But, that isn't what it is all about 

~~~~~GIRLS FILL OUT ONLY~~~~~

Boxers or Briefs: Boxers
Long or short hair: short
Curly or straight: Depends
Tall or short: taller then me..
Six pack or muscular arms: both..But not TOO muscular
Good or Bad Boy: both...
Hat or no hat: what the hell kind of question is that????
Dimples: they're cute
Accent or not: accents are really cute, but it's ok if he doesn't have one
Smart or dumb: a little of both..more smart
What sport should he play: whatever makes him happy
Dependent or independent: both


~~~~~GUYS fill OUT ONLY~~~~~

Regular or thong undies:
Painted nails or not:
Cute and mysterious or wild and sexy:
Dressy or casual:
Curly or Straight hair:
Dark, light, or cool and crazy eyes:
Long or short nails:
Hat or no hat:
Hair up or down:
Jewelry or not:
Tall or short:
Pants or dress:
Tan or fair:

Age: 17Year of birth: 1989Month of birth: 7Day of birth: 2

Gender: female

Fantasy race personality: Orc

Elftownworldmap missing.

Place of living: USA-Maryland

Town: Harford County

Known languages
EnglishSpanish

Elfwood artist: No

Elfwood writer: Yes

Elftown crew wannabe: Yes

Computer interests
action gamesartchat
emailgraphicsinformation seeking
musicstrategy gamesweb design

Music
adult popalternativecountry
gothheavy metalhip hop
popprogressive metalpunk
rapreggaerock

Other interests
animalsartbooks
card gameschasing the preferred sexcrime stories
dancingelectronicsfashion
historyhorsesparty
singingshoppingsporting
travellingwriting

Civil status: single

Sexual preference: opposite sex

Body shape: normal

Height: 154


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