i tattooed a fifty pound note to my cock
now i can play with my money, fondle my money, watch my money grown.....and now when the wife wants to go out and blow £50 she can stay in and do it instead
i licked and old lady cos im a hobbit
First the month you were born:
January - I kicked
February - I peed on
March - I licked
April - I smooched
May - I played with
June - I painted
July - I jumped on
August -I Iaughed at
Septemeber - I sexed up
October - I hugged
November - I smoked
December - I dropped
Next the day :
1- huge jackman
2- a rabid monkey
4- a mirror
5- the churchill dog
6- Mr Blobby
7- chocolate lard
8- swivel chair
9- a drag queen
10- Johnny Depp
11- a sheep
12- a mobile phone
13- a mongoose
14- an old lady
15- a transvestite
16- your mum
17- a kangeroo
18- shaun the sheep
19- a spliff
20- Bill Gates
21- a cow
22- a brick
23- a fishcake
24- Antony Hopkins
29- a flower
31- Micheal Jackson
Lastly your colour underpants (main colour)
Pink - because im pregnant
YEllow- because the voices in my head told me to
Red- because the sex was crap
Blue- because im a hobbit
Black - because the rabis drove me to it
White- because I drank too much
Grey - because I couldnt get enough
Orange - because it makes the sun shine outta my ass!
Purple- because the stranger man next door made me
Green- because im worth it too!
Other - because I can get any
if i had the choice between tossing a salad and the electric chair i would be like....."so where do you plug it in?"
be honest now!]
WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF....
» I committed suicide:
» I said I loved you:
» I kissed you:
» I lived next door to you:
» I started smoking:
» I stole something:
» I was hospitalized:
» I ran away from home:
» I got into a fight and you weren't there:
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY:
 Who are you?
 Are we friends?
 When and how did we meet?
 How have I affected you?
 What do you think of me?
 What's the fondest memory you have of me?
 How long do you think we will be friends or enemies?
 Do you love me?
 Have I ever hurt you?
 Would you hug me?
 Would you kiss me?
 Would you do me?
 Are we close?
 Emotionally, what stands out?
 Have you ever hurt me?
 On a scale of 1-10, how nice am I?
 Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
 Am I loveable?
 How long have you known me?
 Describe me in one word.
 What was your first impression?
 Do you still think that way about me now?
 What do you think my weakness is?
 Have you ever been mad at me?
 What about me makes you happy?
 What about me makes you sad?
 What reminds you of me?
 What's something you would change about me?
 How well do you know me?
 Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
 What when you hear it, reminds you of me?
 Are you going to put this on your blog and see what I say about you?
-People with blue eyes last the longest in relationships. They are kind, pretty or handsome,very good kissers and are really hot. They always fall in love with their closest friends and never understand why. They are very funny, outgoing and don't care what people think or say. They are very satisfying and love to please. If you repost this and you have blue eyes you will have the best kiss sometime in the next 5 days.
-Sex Addicts!!! People with green eyes have the most passion put into relationships, they have long lasting relationships. People with green eyes are also the horniest and most beautiful. They long for the touch of another. People with green eyes are very sexy and very attracted towards the opposite sex. You will meet the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with if you repost this.
-People with hazel eyes are very loveable. They are really hot and are awesome to be around. They don't enjoy 'pet names'. They don't care what people think or say. They are very satisfying and they love to please. They can exceed your pleasure standards. They are very laid back, chilled and love to just be around. If you repost this and have hazel eyes then you will be happy soon with the person who is on your heart.
-Sexy as hell are adorable, love to make new friends. Their relationship tends to be very honest cause if they aren't truly in love, then the relationship won't work. They fall easily for their bestfriends. Will do anything for that special person. Kind and polite. Can make ANYONE laugh or cheer them up. Loves to please the one they care for or love,VERY good kissers, are straight up WARRIORS. Repost this if you have brown eyes and you will find the one that you are meant to be with within the next 7 days
girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night
and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a
big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that
after dinner, she would like to go out and make love
for the first time.
* * * * * * * * *
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex
before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get
some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and
the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.
He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and
* * * * * * * * *
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many
condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family
pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he
thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
* * * * * * * * *
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents
house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm
so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
* * * * * * * * *
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table
where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly
offers to say grace and bows his head.
* * * * * * * * *
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer,
with his head down.
* * * * * * * * *
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
* * * * * * * * *
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the
girlfriend leans over and whispers to the
boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."
* * * * * * * *
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your
father was a pharmacist."
i finally opened up to my ex......i couldnt wait till sunday and we would only have a few mins to talk to i told her on msn
this is the convy
TIGER = ME
STEPH :p = HER
TIGER: since we started talking again properly......
TIGER: i find your kisses to be amazing and your hugs just as amazing.....i really had loads of fun on saturday even though it was a short time we got to spend together....i even liked that we were planing ahead on when we could meet and stuff...it made me happy and smile thinking it might last
steph :p: okay, i dnt mean 2 hurt u bt i dnt feel the same, id prefere it if we were jst mates, im sorry and im really sorry if i hurt u!
ok......dont need people helping anymore......a
i have a question for anyone who reads this
i am constantly thinking about my ex and how much i want her back...on thursday i will be sitting next to her for an hour on the way to college....sho
now im retarded......
(im not retarded)
i must have really liked her...cos im constantly thinking about her and dreaming about her, dreaming of her for about 4 days and thinking of her for about 2 weeks.....no matter what i do she is always on my mind....i really want her back.....she made me like super happy and i finally found a girl who lived close and leaves me......i really want her back more than ever :'(
learn chinese in 5 minutes
u MUST read them out loud)
1. thats not right- sum ting wong
2. are you harbouring a fugitive?- hu yu hai ding
3. stupid man- dum fuk
4. i bumped into a coffee table- ai bang mai fa kin ni
5. i think you need a face lift- chin tu fat
6. i thort you were on a diet- wai yu mun ching
7. your body ordour is offensive- yu stin ki pu
8. great- fa kin su pah
9. dildo- fun toi
10. give me the money- pei nau
11. where is the restroom?- ai pe nau
12. stop teasing me- tat nut fun
13. annoying kid- hit tat boi
14. my friend is a homo- he gai
15. your price is too high- ai no bai dam ting
16. having an early orgasm- kum tu suun
17. saying the same thing- ri pi ting
18. are you horney- yu har dik
19. i get drunk so easy- on li tu
20. lets get outta here- fa kin run
21. look at that ferrari- big boi toi
22. i'm just so horny- ma dik big
23. microsoft sucks- fa kin kom pu da
24. isnt it cold to pee outdoors- wai ju dung so tai nee
25. need the loo- nee tu pu
26. see me ASAP- kum hia nao
27. small horse- tai ne po ni
28. did you go to the beach- wai yu so tan
29. it's very dark in here- wai so dim
30. you are not very bright- yu so dum
31. you're just so stupid- fak yu
32. i am not guilty- wai hang mi
ok...so you want to know what's really wrong with me
well i have: -
a mother who is getting over breast cancer and always shouting at me
a father who has depression
friends who shout at me for no reason
friends who are leaving me for no reason
friends who go on random rants that start in the middle and so i dont have a clue what the fuck is going on
i had a gf who i really cared for who lives about 2miles away leave me for the reasons of it wernt working out...and i like someone else (apparently when she said yes...she realised she liked someone else...yet still met up with me the day later then dumped me a day later)
i am having too many problems with my computer...it'
i have constant aches and pains in my knee's hip and lower back which i cant be assed with
i can hardly sit still (reasons unknown)
so before going on random rants and shouting at me for shit reasons think of what's happening to me at the momment as if i need anymore problems....i know some might seem minor...but still there annoying
maryann was absent for 5days because she had a fever, soar throat, headache, and upset stomach, her sister was also sick, fever, and soar throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over, i wasnt the best either, sore throat and fever, there must be something going around, her father even got hot last night
this is really good
This is funny - type out the sentence you end up with in the subject
line and forward to your friends....and also, send it back to the
person that sent it to you.
Pick the month you were born:
April--I dry humped
May--I choked on
July--I did the Macarena with
August--I had lunch with
September--I danced with
October--I sang to
November--I yelled at
December--I ran over
Pick the day (number) you were born on:
7-------my cell phone
9-------my best friends' boyfriend
11-------my science teacher
14-------a stuffed animal
20-------a baseball bat
25-------a football player
29-------a permanent marker
31-------A homeless guy
Pick the color of shirt you are wearing:
Now type out the sentence you made in the subject line and forward to
your friends. And don't forget to send it back to the person that sent it to
1. Would you be in control?
2. Would you let me pull your hair?
3. Would you whisper in my ear?
4. Would you talk dirty to me?
5. Would you kiss me with a little tongue or a lot of tongue?
6. Would you say my name?
7. Would you go down on me?
8. Would you let me give you a hickie?
9. How many rounds would we go?
10. What would you wanna do afterwards?
11. Would you take off all your clothes then take mine off slowly?
12. Would you lick and bite me all over?
13. Would you like to play or get straight to the point?
14. Would you want me to take my time?
15. How freaky are you, 1 - 10?
16. Would you want me to go fast or slow?
17. Where would you wanna "do it"?
18. Would you be loud or quiet?
19. Would you mind if i liked you?
20. Would you do it today?
21. Would you do it tomorrow?
22. Are you going to re-post these so I can answer them for you?
im going on holiday for 3days this weekend for like 3days so sunday night i should be back, i dont know what time though, im gonna miss you all
my dad stole me a rubber keyboard from work, its great