[deamon90002004]'s diary

819939  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2006-07-06
Written: (5144 days ago)
Next in thread: 821395

01. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in people's trolleys
when they aren't looking.

02. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute

03. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the ladies

04. Walk up to an employee and tell him?her in an official tone:
Code 3 in Housewares... and see what happens.

05. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on credit.

06. Move a 'CAUTION -WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

07. Set-up a tent in the Camping Department and tell other shoppers you are sleeping over and invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding Department.

08. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask: "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

09. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick
your nose.

10. While handling large knives in the Kitchen Dept, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are located.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously, while loudly humming the theme from Mission Impossible.

12. Hide in a clothing rack . . . and when people browse through,
say: "PICK ME!!! PICK ME!!!"

13. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, hit the floor and assume the foetal position and scream "NO! ........It's those voices again!!!"

And last but not least:

14. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while... then yell loudly: "There's no toilet paper in here."

813853  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2006-06-25
Written: (5156 days ago)

I am 35% clumsy

[] i have run into a glass door
[x] i have tripped over my own foot
[x] i have slipped on the grass
[] i have spit water on someone
[] i have almost fallen over more than 5 times in one day
[] i have almost fallen over more than 5 times in one hour
[ ] i have almost fallen over more than 5 times in 2 minutes
[] i have dropped a cupful of water
[] i have glued my hands together
[] i let someone glue my hands when I wasnt looking
[x] i have tripped up the stairs
[x] i have fallen down the stairs
[x] i have slipped in the shower/bath
[x] i have dropped something in front of my crush
[] i have spilled water on my crush
[] i have bumped into many people in one day
[] i have tripped over nothing
[] i make a fool of myself almost 24/7
[x] i laugh at myself whenever i do something clumsy, which makes me look even stupider because i look like a retard laughing by myself
[x] i have fallen flat on my back in front of a large crowd
[] i have checked at least 15 x's on this survey

now count the number of x's you have and times it by 5. post this as: i am " "% clumsy

812014  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2006-06-21
Written: (5159 days ago)
Next in thread: 812223


804179  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2006-06-06
Written: (5174 days ago)
Next in thread: 804608

666 the number of the beast hell and fire is bound to be released!

will be done properly later

here are the true lyrics

[Steve Harris]

"Woe to you, Oh Earth and Sea, for the Devil sends the
beast with wrath, because he knows the time is short...
Let him who hath understanding reckon the number of the
beast for it is a human number, its number is Six hundred and
sixty six."

I left alone my mind was blank
I needed time to think to get the memories from my mind

What did I see can I believe that what I saw
that night was real and not just fantasy

Just what I saw in my old dreams were they
reflections of my warped mind staring back at me

'Cos in my dream it's always there the evil face that twists my mind
and brings me to despair

The night was black was no use holding back
'Cos I just had to see was someone watching me
In the mist dark figures move and twist
Was this all for real or some kind of hell
666 the number of the beast
Hell and fire was spawned to be released

Torches blazed and sacred chants were praised
As they start to cry hands held to the sky
In the night the fires burning bright
The ritual has begun Satan's work is done
666 the number of the beast
Sacrifice is going on tonight

This can't go on I must inform the law
Can this still be real or just some crazy dream
But I feel drawn towards the evil chanting hordes
They seem to mesmerise me ... can't avoid their eyes
666 the number of the beast
666 the one for you and me

I'm coming back I will return
And I'll possess your body and I'll make you burn
I have the fire I have the force
I have the power to make my evil take it's course
803627  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-06-05
Written: (5175 days ago)
Next in thread: 803629, 803844


just found out the one person i love in the whole world now has a bf

anymore heart breaks im gonna be how i was along time ago, emotionless and felt no paim, i dont wonna go through that again :'(

803625  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-06-05
Written: (5175 days ago)
Next in thread: 803626, 803843

is feeling shit and dont know why, maybe cos my heart is aching and i feel like crying :'(

803575  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-06-05
Written: (5175 days ago)
Next in thread: 803576

!10 Ways to a gurls heart/ Get into a gurls pants!!
1. Hug her from behind. (Let her know you're a man)
2. Grab her hand when you walk next to her. (She likes that touchy-feely shit)
3. When standing, wrap your arms around her.(All girls like having a slightly-possessive boyfriend!)
4. Cuddle with her. (Show her you SOFT side)
5. Don't force her to do anything. (With this list, you won't have to!)
6. Write little notes for her. (Most of them can read.)
7. Compliment her. (Girls are VAIN)
8. When you hug her, hold her in your arms as long as possible. (At least until another hottie walks by)
9. Say "I love you!" and mean it. (Say it like you mean it, she'll be on her back in seconds.)
10. Tell all your friends how lucky you are to have her. (If they're smart, they'll play along. "oh, yeah mean, you're lucky, yep.)

803538  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-06-05
Written: (5175 days ago)
Next in thread: 803572

Quotations about Sex
[Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus.]
Anybody who believes that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach flunked geography
[The tragedy of sexual intercourse is the perpetual virginity of the soul.]
Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.
[Flies spread disease - keep yours zipped.]
Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
[The best contraceptive is the word no - repeated frequently]
Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love.
[For the first time in history, sex is more dangerous than the cigarette afterward.]
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
[Men get laid, but women get screwed.]

802851  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2006-06-04
Written: (5176 days ago)
Next in thread: 802886

i fucking swear one day, my mom is gonna drive me to do sommat, and most fucking likely at the end of it all i wont give a fuck, aslong as i wont be fucking near her, cos all she does is fucking moan at me, like today, i was doing my nans garden, she started fcuking watching me, she know's i hate being watched so she fucking stopped me, got in the car, your nan fucking payed for you to do that and you really looked like your enjoying it, I FUCKING HATE GARDENING she fucking knows i do, yet she still stopped me even though i was doing it, she goes me and your dad will do it in the week, so next time she fucking asks me to do anything im gonna say no, cos everytime i get given money they want things doing, so this is what i say to my mom FUCK YOU

802525  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2006-06-03
Written: (5177 days ago)
Next in thread: 802543, 802544, 803018, 803019

just for a bit of fun

Hot or Not?

0 = ewwwwwwwwwwww!
1 = Definetly not attractive.
2 = Decent
3 = Cute
4 = Fine as heck!
5 = I'd do you.
7 = Lovable, I LOVE YOU!!!
8 = I wanna make you my man/girl.
9 = Just a friend.
10 = Sexiest person I know!
11 = 'effin hottie!
12 = Ya, I've checked you out a few times.
13 = lets Make Out!!
14 = I'd hit it!!


802032  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2006-06-02
Written: (5178 days ago)

know we haven't known each other for long time and I really shouldn't be asking you for this but I want it so bad don't get me wrong it's just that I haven't had it for a long time I could already feel it going in so hard and coming out so soft and wet. No one has to know about this, I'm desperate, but your help can be very grateful you must think I have a lot of nerve asking you for this but i can feel my tongue around it sucking all the juice out until there no more left, this has been on my mind all day long and I hope I'm not being forward but..........................
can I have a piece of chewin gum?

801906  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2006-06-02
Written: (5179 days ago)
Next in thread: 801908

Name : Adam
B-Day : March 14
Age : 17
Eye Color : Green/blue
Hair Color : dark brown
Height : 6ft 2"
Best Feature : i dont know, people will have to say
Shoe Size : im from a british 8 to a british 10, and an american 9 to american 11
Ring Size : i dont know
Addictions : talking on the net
Pets : 1 dog
Piercings : none
Tattoos : none
Nickname : boner (dont ask) and boden or boner boden
Car : peugeot 106 1.5 diesel lol
Parents still together : yes
Siblings : 1 brother
Live with Parents? : yes
Favorite/Most Important
Feature of the opposite sex : honestly im not really bothered about that aslong as they dont weight more than me
Spot to be kissed : i dunno, anywhere
Sports Team : dont do sports
Holiday : i dunno, i never do anything at them anyway
Alcoholic Drink : budweiser, carling, carlsberg, fosters
Non-Alcoholic Drink : i will drink pretty much anything
Quote : i always tend to say blow me or bite me alot
Lesson Learned : i dunno, depends what i did on the day
Thing a friend has done for you : got me into guitar and now im a music junkie lol
Thing you have done for a friend : been there for them when they need to talk
Baby names (girl) : i dunno
Baby names (boy) : i dunno
Ben & Jerry's Flavor : dunno what that is
Starbucks Drink : i dont go there its a ripoff
Season : any, cos im cool all year round
Have You Ever
Wished on a star : no
Been in love : yes
Been out of the country : yes, been to france and florida (im in the UK)
Talked on the phone all night : 7long hours or more :'(
Bungee jumped : no
Driven cross-country : no
Had surgery : had my tonsils out and gromits that it
Been told you might die : no
Told someone you love them : yes
Wished you HAD told someone you loved them : i want to right now but its not the right time
Asked someone out : yes loads
Kissed someone (made the first move) : dunno
As a child, had a skip-it : whats one of them?
What about a sock-em-bop : dunno what one is
Kissed the same sex : no
Gone out in public with you PJ's on : have done to put things at the end of the drive
Laughed so hard that a liquid came out of your nose : yeah and it burns
Had sex in a car : no
Past Relationships
Who is the person you last broke up with :anna
How long did you date that person : a month and a week
Was it love : was till we stopped talking
Did you have sex with them : no
Were they older/younger : older
Were they shorter/taller : shorter
Have you had other boy/girlfriends? : no
Any you wish you could talk to : i talk to the one person who i love the most everyday
Any you hate : i hate one of my ex's
Current Relationship
Do you have a boy/girlfriend : no
Where did you meet :
How long have you been together :
What is your anniversary date :
What is his/her full name :
Were you attracted to them from the first moment you saw them : no
Do you trust him/her :
Have you cheated on him/her :
Is it love : 
What's his/her favorite meal : 
What's his/her favorite band :
High School
Public/Private : public
Best Friend : dave harvey
Boy/GirlFriend : laura
Job : didnt have one as such, i had a paper round lol
Prom Date : never had one cos i never went
Best Memory : i dunno
Worst Memory : i dunno
Graduate(?) : 2005
Leave a virgin : yes :(
This or That
Strawberries/Blueberries : Strawberries
Meat/Veggie : either
TV/Movie : either
Hugs/Kisses : both
Guitar/Drums : guitar
Chinese/Mexican : neither
Day/Night : either
Cheerios/Corn Flakes : dunno
Snickers/MilkyWay : snickers
Gold/Silver : i like either
Black/Brown : black
Elvis/Beatles : none
Sprinkles/Icing : both please?
Cookie/Donut : i like either
Cake/Pie : both
Coke/Pepsi : either
am : weird
thought : she loved me but then she left me
need : a gf who lives near
want : a job
love : some one
hate : a few people
wish I was : somewhere else
will always : love Kay

801396  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2006-06-01
Written: (5179 days ago)
Next in thread: 801901

Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."

Priest: "What have you done my child?"

Girl: "I called a man a son of a bit**."

Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bit**?"

Girl: "Because he touched my hand."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bit**."

Girl: "Then he touched my breast."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bit**."

Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bit**."

Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)


Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bit**."

Girl: "But father he had AIDS!"

Priest: "THAT SON OF A BIT**!!!"

Repost if you laughed

800840  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2006-05-31
Written: (5180 days ago)

reason two no longer exsists yay

800520  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2006-05-30
Written: (5181 days ago)
800506  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2006-05-30
Written: (5181 days ago)
Next in thread: 800804

if anyone wants to know how i feel this is how i feel

a peice of shit,

reason one, i told my ex she still has my heart cos she said she didnt have one no more, i refused to have it back cos i still love her, she said if you dont take it back i will chuck it away, so i still refused and she threw it away and i burst into tears, then she started cutting so i cried more

reason two, i upset a really nice friend, by accident, and i really liked her as a friend, and when we were talking (me and her) i felt warm, now i feel dead

reason 3, this time last year i was going out with somone for the 1st month, and it lasted 5 months, so when she left me in september i was deperessed and wanted to die for two months, i got better with the aid of talking to people on the net, and for a week or so all i can think about is her just before i go bed so it fucks up my sleeping pattern, i wake up every 3 hours depressed, my depression lasts for like 2hours then im ok, then depressed just before i go to bed

799991  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2006-05-30
Written: (5182 days ago)

[Lady Lucifer] wrote this i thought it was really sad

One day two lovers were driving down a deserted road. The guy had said something rude earlier to the girl and had hurt her feelings. Both were still upset. But soon, the guy couldn’t stand it anymore and taking a deep breath he apologized to the girl. The girl relaxed but was still upset so didn’t look the guy in the eye, she continually fiddled with her fingers looking down. The guy wanted deeply for the girl to forgive him. So he reached across to the girl and grabbed her hand saying he was sorry and that he loved her. In the few seconds the guy took his eyes off the road the car slowly slid off into a small ditch. They both looked up and the guy steered back onto the road in a panic and the girl grabbed her seat. The boy lost his cool and slammed on the breaks sending the car rolling. The car rolled five times and stopped on it’s back.
Neither the girl nor the guy had had their seatbelts on. But the guy had turned the car just right that it flipped onto his side. Sending the girl right into his grasp and he held her tight. The girl opened her eyes and screamed at the searing pain in her side. In desperation she managed to push the door open. In the growing darkness she called the guys name. He moaned letting her know where he was. With great difficulty she pulled the boy out of the wreck and away from the small fire. Breathing with difficulty the boy told her he was sorry and it was all his fault. The girl told him otherwise and kissed his forehead wiping away the blood on his face. She repeatedly asked if he was ok but when she did he clutched her tighter to him.
Blood stained tears rolled down her face, she new he would die. Deep inside of her she knew she had no chance without his love. Setting him down and ignoring his cry for her she crawled for a piece of broken glass. Quickly the girl moved back to him and held him.
He asked her over and over what she was doing. Finally in a whispered tone she told him.
“I could never live without you, you are my life and my love, my world and my happiness. If you go I go”
The girl kissed the boy deeply and slit her own wrists. Then she laid down beside him. She chanted his name and told him now much she loved him.

The ambulance had been called and got there in time to save the boy, for the girl it was too late.
Two weeks after the girl died the boy was found dead laying next to her grave with a note in his hand.
“I won’t be able to live without her, nor her love, she was my life, my love, my world and my happiness, she died therefore I must be with her.”

799205  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2006-05-28
Written: (5184 days ago)
Next in thread: 799780

Sainsbury's condoms......makin life taste better!

Tesco condoms......every little helps!

Nike condoms......just do it!

Galaxy condoms.......why have rubber when you can have silk?

KFC condoms.......finger lickin' good!

Skittles condoms.......taste the rainbow!

Minstrels condoms.......melt in your mouth not in your hand!

Abbey National condoms......coz life's complicated enough!

Coca Cola condoms........always the real thing!

Duracell condoms.......keep going and going!

pringles condoms.......once you pop you carnt stop!

Burger King condoms.......the home of the big woopper!

Muller light condoms......so much pleasure,wheres the pain?!

Andrex condoms........soft,strong n very long!

Renault condoms.......when size really does matter!

Domestos condoms......get's right under your head!

Pepperami condoms.......its a bit of an animal!

Polo condoms..........the one wid the hole!

Co-op condoms......... we work harder, so u dnt have to

797112  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2006-05-23
Written: (5188 days ago)
Next in thread: 797113

omigawsh read this it is crazy !

Take my hand
Off we go
To the room
Shut the door
Hit the lights
Grab me close
Raise me up
Kiss me slow
Lips tongues touch
In a dance
I’m turned on
By your glance
Hands slide up
To my neck
In my hair
Pull me back
Trail your lips
Down the path
One plus one
Do the math
One kiss here
One lick there
Two hard nipples
Equals wet underwear
Lick me slow
Suck you deep
Make me cum
Till I’m asleep
Lose your pants
Take my shirt
Nipples so hard
That they hurt
Slide my panties
With your teeth
Not just wet
But soft heat
Take your dick
In my hands
Better get ready
I’ve got plans
Raise me up
Over your face
Put your tongue
In that place
Spread me open
Part my lips
While I kiss
On your hips
Take you in
I’m open wide
You taste me
I’m so high
Suck your tip
Flick my clit
This sixty nine
Is so exquisite
Take you deeper
Make me moan
Feel my lips
At your bone
Tongue me softly
Feel my flow
Now how fast
Can I go
Back and forth
Up and down
Swirl your tongue
Round and round
Feel you all
In my depth
Can’t seem to
Catch my breath
Stroke your shaft
Hit my spot
Make you harder
Make me hot
While you search
Seek to find
The pleasure in
This tongue grind
I’m taking you
All the way
Through the night
Into the day
I’m getting close
To the end
But I’m getting
My second wind
Suck you smooth
Jack you tight
All that cum
Is mine tonight
You’re getting tense
Back is arched
Throat is dry
Now I’m parched
I can’t wait
For another minute
Cum for me
Give me it
That’s it, baby
Give to me
Let it go
Set it free
Oh my God
What’ve you done?
Baby now I’m
About to cum
Ooh don’t stop
I can’t believe
We’ve cum together



1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.

2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering
dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.

3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.

4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!

5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of
euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.

6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the
opposite sex crazy!

7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE

8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and
lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.

9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.

10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever

794972  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2006-05-19
Written: (5192 days ago)

Little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"

The father answers: "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I setup a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to accept a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Pop-Up appeared and said: You've Got Male

Q.) What doesn't belong in this list: Meat, Eggs, Wife, and Blowjob?
A.) Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a

Q.) Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
A.) So men can be open minded.

Q.) What's the speed limit of sex?
A.) 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.

Q.) What does a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
A.) The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

Q.) What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick?
A.) You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

Q.) Three words to ruin a man's ego...
A.) "Is it in?"

Q.) What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the
Pillsbury Dough
A.) A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.

Q.) How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?
A.) One of his fingers is clean.

Q.) What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A.) Melt them down make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q.) What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
A.) They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're

792373  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2006-05-14
Written: (5197 days ago)

[92% percent of the teen population would be dead if Abercrombie and Fitch said it wasn't cool to breathe anymore. Repost this if you are one of the 8% who would be laughing your ass off.]

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