[BrokenSilence]'s diary

973053  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2007-09-03
Written: (5378 days ago)

i saw this in a house and figured id post it hehe n.n

Every Girl's Dream:
 (x) - means yeah id want that (0)- means no.
(x)1. Get kissed in the rain ::one of my fantasys::
(x)2. Have that one hott kiss where your pressed against the wall ::look up top::
(x)3. Have a guy that thinks you're the world
(x)4. Have a guy that holds on as long as possible when giving hugs ::depends on the guy::
(x)5. A boy that whispers he loves you in your ear
(x)6. Have that moment where you just gaze into each other's eyes ::already got that n.n::
(x)7. When you cry, he kisses your tears away.
(x)8. When you're not with your guy he's all that you can think about ::already got that too lol::
(/)9. Wearing his jacket and everytime you breath in, his scent surrounds you ::depends::
(/)10. A guy who will watch any movie with you, no matter how teary eyed you may get. ::depends::
(/)11. A guy who squeezes your hand ::lovingly or lightly yes the way my brother does it hell no, fuckin almost breaks my hand..><::
(x)12. A boy that says he loves you and means it ::better::
(o)13. A guy that will play her favorite song outside her window ::1. i have too many i like,2. that gets old quick::
(x)14. A guy who is loyal
(x)15. A guy that will sing to you no matter how bad he is at it. ::grins got that cept i dont think hes bad he just has to sing the songs in his octave *snickers* then hes really good its the ones that go to high.. ima shut up before i get myself in trouble..probably already did..lol::
(/)16. A guy that will kiss you on the forehead. ::sometimes its icky depends on the person too::
(o)17. A guy that will call you beautiful or adorable...not hot, fine, or sexy ::im not any so it tends to annoy me unless its my boyfriend saying it::
(x)18. A guy that will never judge you for how you look. ::i have enough self vision issues i dont need someone else telling me how horrible i look::
(x)19. A boy that says cheezy stuff to you just to make u smile ::got that n.n::
(x)20. A boy that is the same when he is with you and when with friends ::i hate fake people::
(x)21. A boy that tells you everything honestly :: i prefer honesty id rather the truth hurt then a lie. god i hate liers::
(/)22. A boy that is good with your family and introduces you to his family ::i dont care what my family says if i love him it doesnt matter. as for his family if they like me sweet less work for me if they dont oh well im there for him not them::
(o)23. A guy that will always let you win ::HELL No! i want to win fair and square or lose. i dont like being handed a win, im competitive can ya tell? lol::
(o)24. A guy who stands up for you no matter who it is against ::thanks but i can stand up for myself im not a lil child that needs saving im my own knight in shining armor...er so to speak.::
(/)25. A guy who calls you at night just to say 'hi' and see how your day has been ::it'd be nice but there are days i need to be left alone::
(x)26. A boy who tells you that your smile makes his day and makes everything better ::i know his does for me::
(o)27. A boy who will sit on the phone with you when you're sad, even if you're quiet ::if im sad id rather work through it -then- talk i hate sympathy::
(x)28. A boy who you can hangout and have fun with
(x)29. A boy that will just randonmly call you for no reason at all, just because he missed you
(/)30. A guy who will hold your hand through the roughest parts of life. ::yes, but sometimes you have to walk on your own two feet, but there are times when the support helps::
(/)31. A guy who would love you forever no matter the circumstance. :: i want him to love me for me no just cause its convienyent (yeah i know i spelled that wrong)::
(o)32. A guy who wouldn't mind you wanting to get all dressed up and do your make up for him. Even if he says he likes you better without make up. ::if he likes me better without it then fuck what everyone else thinks i might dress up but ill usually in the end do what makes him happy::
(x)33. A guy who you can be yourself with and he will never give a care and would still tell you that you are amazing to him. ::my guy has to accept me for who i am im not gonna change who i am just cause people hate who i am.::
(/)34. A guy who runs his fingers through your hair, like he's washing your worries away. ::sometimes its great sometimes its annoying usually i like it tho::

943344  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2007-05-29
Written: (5476 days ago)

What do you do when you feel your life passing you by? When it leaves you behind to watch and regret? Ive lived my life pooly and often I find my self at a crossroads. do I go down the street im on, or do i change my path by changing my choices. I constantly see the errors ive made and the people ive hurt. ive hurt everyone i hold close to my heart encluding myself. not because i chose to or because i changed my mind but because i feared the life i was leading. so i pushed the people i love most away as far as i could. Ive sat back and broke my own heart, afraid to live, afriad to get hurt agian. instead of forgiving and bringing thoughs people closer to me i closed myself off and lost many unreplacable friends, and one of my greatest loves. I think if he reads up on this he will know who he is. lol he has a new girlfriend named...stephanie i think..(sorry if i spelled her name wrong) i regret losing him to my damn pride. i was to proud to let him see he had hurt me and i was to proud to let him see how much i still loved him. i made the biggest mistake of all and started seeing someone who i knew i didnt love. i knew i never would. and i knew he would. but i did anyway. and now ive broke three hearts. mine, one of the greatest loves in my life, and one of my closest friends who i never should have dated. i seems im always fucking myself over. im always doin alot of damage to myself. hell if i know why all i know is i do. i hope someday he will call me and speak to me agian. I dont know what will happen when fate knocks at my door. i dont know who i will choose to spend my life with. whether it be him if he chooses to take me back and give us another chance, or if it be with one of my closest friends who is going through some stuff atm... we have chemistry and love but we are both hurting and as such reluctant to "dive off that board" all i know is i will love this man for the rest of my life. no matter what happenes no matter the past or present. he will always have a piece of me. I just hope he realises no matter what i am first and formost a loyal friend and if he needs me i will always be here. ( ive kept all their names out as a respectful measure to them. they should know who they are and if they arent sure they can msg me and ask if its them i will let them know. if it isnt i will simply say "it isnt". okay i have to be up at 6am for school so im out for the night. take care everyone. *sends a hug out to everyone who needs it* night yall.

942970  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2007-05-27
Written: (5477 days ago)

  okay I dont know who is watching my house and/or who are my friends that will be reading this. so keep in mind you might not like what im writing and if you dont want to know whats on my mind then dont read further. if you do here it goes...

*sighs* my first diary entry and probably the most caotic of them all. Im so confused right now I doubt I even know my own thoughts or feelings at this point. everyone I love dearly is eathier dead, doesnt care about me, or is trying to hide what they feel. I feel lost and alone most of the time now. When my uncle died a big part of me, of my soul, died with him. I loved him most in this world not as my uncle or as my best friend. but as the best thing that has ever been in my life, and the greatest mentor I ever had. I know that no one will ever fill that gap. no one can ever truly make me whole agian untill im reunited with him in the next life. some know how he died less know that I still cry myself to sleep a few nights a week when my gaze meets his photograph and the box that his ashes were carried in before they were burried. and any time I see a movie that a true loved on dies in a situation close to that of my uncle and me, I have to fight back tears. I have to fight the will to scream at the goddess for taking him away from me and at him for giving up. slowly life gets easier to live. most days I try to pretend he is still here..i can still see his smile and feel his arms around me i can still hear him saying "poopie head" at me and tickling me when i sat on his lap..i still remember his beautiful blue eyes and the way that he looked at me and i could see that he loved me. he was only 53 when he died. dear diana i feel so lost with out him. i feel like i had my compass torn away from my hand and was dropped into a black abyss with no moon sun or stars to follow. and no one to ever pull me back. *sighs agian* i miss him so much but i know i will see him agian someday. i will see him agian.


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