Page name: Bob's Diner [Logged in view] [RSS]
2019-08-08 20:40:36
# of watchers: 274
D20: 9
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(Formerly Chuck's)

Abandon all outside food and drinks, ye who enter here.

a limerick, by [Mortified Penguin]
.........Welcome to Bob's Diner,
ain't no place finer!
The food is good,
we're always in tha 'hood,
and [Sagacious Turkey] is a whiner!

<img:><img:><img:><img:> <img:><img:><img:><img:><img:>

As seen in [iippo]'s diary!
This wiki sponsored in part by the [Sunrose] Does Not Suck committee
and the [pixish] art committee

by [Teufelsweib]

Show content


|Da menyou|


'If you are what you eat, then we're easy, fast and cheap!'

Don't see sumthin ya like on da menu? Well, add to it!



1. Shakin' Bacon $1.50
2. Godzilla Eggs $1.20
3. Hash Browns $1.00
4. Hash Greens $1.00
5. Texas toast (this isn't really from texas) $2.00
6. French Toast (This isn't actually from France either) $3.50
7. French Fries (nope, still not from france...) $1.50
8. French Bread (NOT FROM FRANCE!!!) $1.25
9. French Wine (not from France exactly... it might have fallen off a truck,... but i don't know anything *whistles innocently*)
10. Mortified News-Paper-Colored-Breakfast-Sandwich $2.50



1. Bob's special of the day: Sun. grilled cheese, Mon. leg of lamb, Tues. leg of bob, Wed. something we found on the street, Thurs. hamburger, Fri. tacos we stole from Taco Bell, Sat. you don't want to know. $4.19
2. hamburger & fries $4.00
3. uncooked ham (a live pig) $10.24
4. a bowl of fresh lard $3.49
5. Texas toast (this isn't really from Texas) $2.00
6. think of the nastiest thing you've ever seen or smelled... nope, nastier... yup thats it! $5.99
7. raw chicken liver with a dog drool sauce. $7.82
8. La Ham and cheese $2.30
9. Bob's Mama $1 an hour
10. Garfield's mama $0.50 an hour
11. sirloin $6.00
12. Sir. Loin (some British guy) £6.00
13. boiled Chef Zef $0.99
14. 3-legged lamb - whole: $10.00/ each leg: $2.00
15. fried Alley Gator $5.00
16. Plain poodle: $3.00/ Extra crispy poodle: $3.50
17. Poo Stew $2.25
18. Mashed taters and dressed up alligators $5.50
19. Woops, I sneezed... Oh well, might as well put it to good use... "snot sandwich" $1.25
20. Roasted n00b $4.00
21. Bloody Rock $1.50
22. Flattened road kill squirrel $4.75
23. Fresh n00b with blood croutons $4.50
24. [Shaggy13]'s soup $1.12
25. Turkey Jerkey $0.50
26. A Jerkey Turkey $5.00
27. YO MOMMA with a side of fries and a large soda $0.00
28. [Rolo]'s special: Mouse burger and french flies all for just $2.50
29. [Blvd. of broken dreams]'s Acid Kisses free to try then 4 easy payments of $19.95 to buy!!!!
31. Micheal Jackson's nose $10.75
32. elf on the cob $5.50/whole elf $9.25
33. [spitfire_35121]'s mole 500,000.00
34. An Orange Chicken ¥300.00
35. Ground beef Carl $3.25
36. The Deep Fried Moose Combo $6.99
37. [sara(:]'s kitty.......$o.ooo9 per hour..
38. viagra pill $300
39. gobbler....?
40. a big fat bowl of ramen ¥800.00
41. hootchie cootchie $2.00
42. Burgers from McDonald's $1.00
43. Make Your Own Road Kill (Brought to you by MatchBox) $ 6.90
44. Deep Fried Squirrel Quesadilla $ 1.50
45. Eel Burger (it's shockingly delicious!) $3.4¾ (WARNING: Eel Burger may kill consumer. We are not responsible. Blame the eels!)

46. Selfish Shellfish Soufflé $4.99 (plus tip!)
47.All the grief, horror, madness,[Lethan] and opium-addled reverie you can shake a Victorian gentleman's walking stick at for a mere $5
48. [Eloura]'s Busted gut still fresh and good, for a nere (and this is a SALE people) $9.99
49. [Duke Devlin]'s Small Bacon Bit Babies. They are a delious bacony treat for any meal. $15,999.99 It's a real steal deal kids!
50. [Araglas]'s Zombie body food, just ask, it's good, and very fresh! Only $5.99!
51. All you can eat: [HardRockAngel]'s little brother: an endless supplie of meat. $12.99



1. half a cracker $1,000,000
2. Bloody Rock $1.50
3. [sara(:]'s (very little) Brain $2.00
4. [Fallen Child Athena]'s Foamy the Squirrel $5000.00 ((i stole him hahahahahaha))
5. [Mortified Penguin]'s intelligence (not a very big meal...) $0.25
6. Slice of maggot cheese $1.50
7. Cooked Sushi $4.50
8. Tumble Weed $1,000.01
9. [Fallen Child Athena]'s "happy crack".......$1.50((its weed))
10. Bowl of tears $.50
11. Crickets (a bowl full) $0.50
12. "Eye Rolls" $1.50
13. Corn on the toes $1.50
14. cooked sushi $2.00
15. Big, huge, throbbing, hot, juicy... breadsticks! $DAH.LER
16. [Mortified Penguin]'s ashes $Free to try $39.95 to buy
17. [Blvd. of broken dreams]'s leg (stays fresh for about a month) hehe jr., i told you!!!1
17. Military Intelligence (not much there) $9,999 {brought in by [Fallen Child Athena])
19. Fresh squeezed hangover from [Evolution X]
20. Ganondorf's Noodly Appendage (note: not big enough to be considered full meal) $4.00
21. Peanuts of Pathos $free with the purchase of a drink (In loving memory of our dear old friend, [Paul Doyle].)
22. Flagon of Dragon Lotion. Not sure what to make of this, frankly. It's not really a drink . . . have this with Peanuts of Pathos, perhaps? Do you have what it takes to consume this? I'm not sure I do.
23. [Mortified Penguin]'s head on a fake cheap silver platter.
24. Blubber nuggets, made with the finest whale blubber in the world! (YUM!) $100.00



1. [Mortified Penguin]'s squeegey $0.10
2. DUSTIN'S MAMA and a condom......we'll pay you...take it,we don't want "it".....
3. Sasmooko's Shoe $1.75
4. A leg $Shoot something, or someone
5. [Fallen Child Athena]'s bunny rabbit..........$1.50
6. The "lame-@$$-mo'-frickin'-gay-infested-puppy-hating-country-o'-france" Special. (May include: French toast, french fries, french bread, french vanilla, french dressing, a lovely french dipping sauce, and a sexy lonely french woman that likes to french kiss) $19.95 if you order in the next ten minutes! shipping and handling...
7. [Evolution X]'s famous Spaghetti and eyeballs.
8. A Big Freakin' Bowl of Ramen $0 (Free for Mort, everyone else gets charged a mandatory $10 tip for the waiter)
9.Ugly stack of papers with protective cover. Looks to have been dropped into a beef broth by a sad, worn out, uncreative idiot. Yarg. (munches on a news-paper-colored-breakfast-sandwich) $2.00
10.Gammon with Fluff & gravy =] $0
11.Not so fresh puppy €7.00 (Other than brown colored +¥5.28)
12. [Scarekrow]'s Harden the fuck up special (with your choise of fist to the face or foot to the ass)................$25.00
13. Chuck Norris Stew with a side of sucker-punch and piss-in-your-pants. Priceless



1. brownie-a-la-mode $2.00
2. crap-a-la-commode $2.00
3. artichoke pie $1.50
4. "cheese cake" (literally made of cheese) $1.75
5. Iced ice $0.50
6. Glazed rocks $0.75
7. Punkin Pie (full of fresh baked punks...) $2.00
8. Rake Cake (wanna do something special for your hard working rake for it's birthday? get this!) $1.75
9. n00b-a-la-blood $2.00
10. "Cow Pie" $2.00
11. [Phil Crooked]'s manhood $9,999,999,999.50
12. [Phil Crooked]'s manhood, FROSTED, $2
13. "apple sauce" $1
14. [nokaredes]'s old cast $how much you got?
15. [ikkle sid] for the night chocolate sauce included 4 all u randy twats lol ... $1,000,000,000
16. [Archeress of Mirkwood]'s liver flavored ice cream $2.50
17. [Archeress of Mirkwood]'s chocolate flavored moth-balls $1.75 per box
18. Bert and Ernie's every flavor spleens... er... I mean... beans. $1.00 per box
19.[bluefairy27]'s deadly blow fish surprise.$3.50
20. [Evolution X]'s Eskimo pie (from real eskimos)
21. Pink, fluffy and tasty Watapon (Warning: Not really tasty)
22. Vasturcro, free! (plus $20 in taxes, $35 for the food, which is $65, totaling out to $127)
23. Sweet, cherry, and pied crow pie, $2.33



1. anything we can liquefy in the blender $1.00
2. snot $1.00

(smaller gap)

3. urine $1.00
4. "mystery meat juice" $1.00
5. liquid lard $1.00
6. [Fallen Child Athena]'s special "coffee" $1.95
7. goat milk $1.00
8. watered down tea $1.00
9. Turkey Milk $1.00
10. A Pint of Blood $0.50
11. A Quart of Blood $1.00
12. Goblet Of Blood On The Rocks $2.50
13. Rat Milk $1.00
14. Snow Coco $1.00
15. Hot, steaming cup of Coffee $1.00 (per cup)
16. Liquid ice $2.50 per pound
17. A "booty" shake $6.66
18. From the makers of Granny's Bunyan Creme and Granny's Homegrown Arsenic... we bring you... Granny's Hard Rubbing Alcohol! Not only does it get you hammered more than a nail, but it also helps heal your internal cuts! (WARNING: Granny's Hard Rubbing Alcohol will NOT heal your internal cuts. In fact, it may make them worse. We are not responsible for any injuries and/or death. Blame Granny!) $Depends on how "under the influence" you are.
19.something [Lethan] squeezed out of a brick
20. An Epic Fail (Brought in by Veari)
21. Tead down water(purified) $50.00
22. Special Equestrian "Mayonnaise" Smoothie


Bob's Diner Status Report: <hide>

Bob's Diner Status Report

All numbers and stats are approximate and lead to irregularities when double checking, due to faulty math and [Elftron] screwing with wiki comments and information sometimes. Don't blame us. Blame [Hedda].




26.6 cpd
10.6 cpd
08.4 cpd
15.5 cpd
11.8 cpd
07.9 cpd
14.4 cpd
04.7 cpd
02.7 cpd
02.1 cpd
01.1 cpd
00.5 cpd
01.1 cpd
04.6 cpd

Total Comments

Total Average
26.6 cpd/9709 cpy
18.6 cpd/6789 cpy
15.2 cpd/5548 cpy
15.3 cpd/5580 cpy
14.6 cpd/5333 cpy
13.5 cpd/4924 cpy
13.6 cpd/4972 cpy
12.5 cpd/4563 cpy
11.4 cpd/4165 cpy
10.5 cpd/3824 cpy
09.6 cpd/3512 cpy
08.9 cpd/3237 cpy
08.3 cpd/3017 cpy
08.0 cpd/2921 cpy

Until The End of the Friscal Year and the Next Status Report

Since The End of the Last Friscal Year

Since B's D's Founding

Friscal Reports:
Show content

   Next Friscal Report:

Total: An unknown, futuristic XXXXX

Future paragraphs.

   Friscal Report:

Total: A(n) adjective 39223


   Previous Friscal Report:

Total: A(n) adjective 38839


   Previous Previous Friscal Report:

Total: A(n) adjective 38634


   Previous Previous Previous Friscal Report:

Total: A(n) adjective 38240


   Previous Previous Previous Previous Friscal Report:

Total: A(n) adjective 37484


   Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Friscal Report:

Total: A(n) adjective 36501


   Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Friscal Report:

Total: A settling, halfsome 34804

As we all know, Bob's Diner has a comment based economy. As comment averages rise, Bob's Diner prospers. When they fall, Bob's Diner slips into a violent depression and has thoughts of suicide. It often cries itself to sleep at night, wondering how it's going to feed its 27 children. So, you can clearly see why the more comments you make, the better off we are and the less I'll hate you.

With that in mind, this year was certainly better than last year, but not nearly as better as the year before the year before last year, which is the best except for the one that was better which was the year before the year before that. Following this trend, we can predict that next year, the year following this year, will be the year that comes after this year. However, as this year is already over, we've already entered into the new year, meaning that this year isn't this year but last year and next year is this year, not the year after this year. So, with this other stuff I just said in mind, I suspect that, since this year is now this year, not next year, the comments will continue steadily trending upward, unless they don't. Realistically speaking though, and following the current data, the comment average will take a two year nose dive into the worst recession we've seen yet before going back up in 14/15.

So, the comments were alright this year. But, why weren't they alrighter? It was likely because of two bannings of members that were previously highly productive commenters: Artsie and Mystin. They will be missed. Not really though. In other news, CEO, international sex superstar, and self-proclaimed CEO, [Mortified Penguin], will be stepping down as manager today and stepping up some stairs. That lead to the manager's office. Where he will be crowned manager. Also, [Nioniel] stole our 'i'.

(This has been a vaguely worded announcement by a guy typing things.)

   Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Friscal Report:

Total: An unsettling, unwholesome 29545

More Obama related mishaps have taken quite a toll on Bob's Diner this year. That, coupled with [53406] as manager, has resulted in 1430 less comments than last year. Which brings the average number of comments for the friscal year to a miserable 7.9 a day and the average for all time down to 13.5 a day. We've determined the cause of the missing 37 comments from 07/08 to be homicide. Police are investigating the contents of Misty's stomach in hopes of finding remains. So far, nothing but rat skeletons and bear feces has turned up.

No new members for the entire year (that I know of. I haven't really checked, I'm just assuming). Likely Misty's fault. In this past friscal year, B's D has apparently become /b/'s D. Our big 'B' will be missed.

For this upcoming friscal year, I will be taking over as manager once more (until it becomes apparent that the numbers will be down, at which point I will hand ownership back to Turkey). I plan to run this Diner the way it was meant to be run... straight into the ground. First off, budget cuts everywhere! No more of this "getting Christmas off to be with family" nonsense. Workers will now work 367 days a year or be fired (at)(with bazookas).

(This has been a public dis-service announcement from CEO and self-proclaimed sexual offender, [Mortified Penguin].)

   Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Friscal Report:

Total: A nice, wholesome 26666.

So, we never did find out what happened to those poor, unfortunate 37 comments. They will be missed. This friscal year, we had a disappointing 4309 comments. The lower number is speculated to be the fault of Obama, the recession, and, of course, Misty. Though it wasn't as good as last year's or the 04/05 year, it's still better than the dismal period from 2005 to 2007. The 08/09 numbers are still a pretty decent accomplishment, considering Elftown's sharp decline in members.

In this passing friscal year, we (and by 'we' I mean 'I') have managed to get a whole bunch of new members and casual visitors... thanks to good ol' fashion spamming. Speaking of meat byproducts, the Diner is now under [53406]'s control once more, meaning that he's the one that should be held responsible for the poor friscal report! ...Get 'im! ...*eats ramen*...

(This has been a public service announcement from ex-CEO and casual rapist, [Mortified Penguin].)

   Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Friscal Report:

Total: 22320 (though it should be 22357!)

This leaves some 37 missing comments. It is Bob's Diner's top priority to find these missing comments and bring them home safely.

Thanks to the brilliant leadership of [Mortified Penguin], Bob's Diner has had it's second best year yet! We nearly doubled those comments from last year and even brought B's D out of it's depression. So remember... support the Ramen Party and Bob's Diner in the next friscal (that's right! friscal!) year... every comment counts. (This has been a public service announcement from CEO, Mortified Penguin.)

Previous B's D

Username (or number or email):


2019-09-21 [Mortified Penguin]: <img400*0:stuff/aj/92105/1569024629.jpg>

2019-09-21 [Mortified Penguin]: I forgot how to get it to fit perfectly into the badge slot without editing the badge slot. But I'm too lazy to fix it...

2019-09-21 [Yuriona]: And I'm too lazy to remove it.

2019-09-21 [Pied Crow]: Why not copy-paste one and edit it?

2019-09-22 [Yuriona]: That would require far too much effort.

2019-09-23 [Mortified Penguin]: To access my badge slot, I have to copy the html from Elfpack and paste it on Elftown and change all the instances of "Elfpack" to "Elftown". And it's funner to sneak it into the badge slot without it being in the badge slot, since in the past, guards would try to remove it, but not know how. Now there is only Yuri, who is highly unprofessional and won't let me provoke her for fun.

2019-09-24 [Pied Crow]: Oh, I see. I wouldn't say it sounds funner, but I do agree it sounds more fun.

2019-09-24 [Yuriona]: I'm professional! Just not here...

2019-09-25 [Mortified Penguin]: MORE FUNNER.

2019-09-26 [Yuriona]: Only your funner, not mine. :P

2019-09-26 [Pied Crow]: l don't think l have any more funner to give you! I'll need a new bit.

2019-10-13 [Mortified Penguin]: <img400*0:stuff/aj/92105/1571002148.jpg>

2019-10-18 [Pied Crow]: That's cool. I like sweet & sour sauce.

2019-10-24 [Mortified Penguin]: HERETIC!

2019-10-24 [Yuriona]: What about Caesar?

2019-10-25 [Pied Crow]: Ooh, l love King Caesar! He's got a great walk.

2019-10-25 [Sagacious Turkey]: <img400*0:stuff/aj/53406/1572040416.jpg>

2019-10-27 [Yuriona]: I'll take you word for it. :P

2019-10-28 [Pied Crow]: Seeeen it! l have a friend who's a chicken fanatic, the topic's come up before.

2019-11-06 [Paul Doyle]: Didn't King Caesar get his butt kicked by Mechagodzilla?

2019-11-07 [Pied Crow]: Sure, but that doesn't take away how much l can love his walk in Godzilla Unleashed. :<

2019-11-22 [Alendre]: Godzilla had a leash?

2019-11-22 [Paul Doyle]: Godzilly go walkies? *SKREE-onkwoof*

2019-11-22 [Mortified Penguin]: Godziller is the least sexy kaiju.

2019-11-22 [Paul Doyle]: Zilla, on the other hands, seems to have supermodel legs encased in scales?

2019-11-25 [Paul Doyle]: <poll:77505>

2019-11-25 [Pied Crow]: That's not a fair comparison. Zilla was designed to be a supermodel! I mean...look at 'em!

2019-11-25 [Pied Crow]: Movie was still shite, though. Cartoon was better.

2019-11-25 [Pied Crow]: The kid's cartoon somehow had better stomps than a PG‑13 film. What's up with that?

2019-11-25 [Mortified Penguin]: <img400*0:stuff/aj/92105/1574697774.jpg>

2019-11-25 [Paul Doyle]: "Godzilla: the Series" was definitely a lot better than the Zilla movie. I hope at some point they bring back Zilla Jr. as a sidekick to the real Godzilla, kind of like Anguirus was Godzilla's sidekick in a few movies despite getting the crap kicked out of him every time.

2019-11-25 [Paul Doyle]: They could be bros . . . until, of course, the real Godzilla reveals that he's Zilla Jr's father.

2019-11-25 [Paul Doyle]: <img500*0:stuff/aj/11046/1574724334.jpg>

2019-11-26 [Pied Crow]: Aw, that's a nice pic, um, Doyle! It even has an airplane in the background, so you know it's good!

2019-11-27 [Mortified Penguin]: <img400*0:stuff/aj/92105/1574872770.png>

2019-11-28 [Yuriona]: Can I see it?

2019-11-28 [Mortified Penguin]: Er, no.

2019-11-28 [Yuriona]: Aww dang. :C

2019-11-29 [Sagacious Turkey]: <img500*0:stuff/aj/53406/1574987337.jpg>

2019-11-29 [Sagacious Turkey]: Vore me~ uwu

2019-11-30 [Pied Crow]: Does this count?

2019-11-30 [Rainbow Dragonflies]: Made my annual round to check in here and I think I'll have my coffee to go . . .

2019-12-03 [Pied Crow]: Huh? I was just going with what everyone else said! Yeah, that's it...

2019-12-25 [Mortified Penguin]: <img500*0:stuff/aj/92105/1577281166.jpg>

2019-12-25 [Mortified Penguin]: <img500*0:stuff/aj/92105/1577281184.jpg>

2019-12-25 [Mortified Penguin]: <img500*0:stuff/aj/92105/1577281210.jpg>

2019-12-25 [Yuriona]: Merr Christmas. <img:stuff/dand-gif.gif>

2019-12-26 [Pied Crow]: l like this new trend of big lizards sticking out their tongue to give Christmas wishes in funny words!

2019-12-31 [Mortified Penguin]: <img:stuff/aj/92105/1577768974.jpg>

2019-12-31 [Pied Crow]: Yeah, he sure is freaky looking, but he's still got a nice build! ... He didn't step on anything in his movie, either. At least, not on camera. I've only seem him step on something in that Shin-Chan Crayola feature, and that style was too low in framerate to show the fun of the stomp! Hmph...

2019-12-31 [Pied Crow]: Also... Awww, Ghidorah, that poor hydra dragon. :<
And... Awww; Goji, Rodi, and Mothi are so cute together!

2019-12-31 [Yuriona]: Ghidorah is a bully! He deserved to know what it feels like.

2020-01-01 [Pied Crow]: If Ghidorah's a bully, then what's Destoroyah?

2020-01-01 [Paul Doyle]: Legendary KG's original Kevin head (the severed one seen again at the end of the 2019 movie) deserves his own full kaiju. There's no way he could be as annoying as Godzooky or Minilla.

2020-01-01 [Paul Doyle]: Destoroyah is pretty much evil incarnate. If they ever made a big-budget version of the 1995 flick without really changing the plot, that could be something special (and tearjerking)---though that would also require about 3 movies having Baby Godzilla/Little Godzilla/Godzilla Junior as an ongoing subplot.

2020-01-02 [Pied Crow]: Good answer! You know your stuff...unlike me, who only knows things on a surface level.

2020-01-02 [Pied Crow]: .......... And, yeah, hit me. What's "Legendary KG's original Kevin head"?

2020-01-02 [Paul Doyle]: That was the really derpy head on KG's left that kept being picked on by the dominant head, and also the one that was origianlly severed before it grew back.

2020-01-03 [Mortified Penguin]: <img400*0:stuff/aj/92105/1578080834.jpg>

2020-01-04 [Pied Crow]: Haha, wow. KG? What ever could KG possibly mean? It's not like we were just talking about King Ghidorah, whose initials happen to be KG. ... I amaze myself sometimes...
Don't really get why we're saying Kevin, but I understand enough of what's going on now.

2020-01-04 [Pied Crow]: If it'd mean a single-headed bipedal dragon, l'm down. I love those!

2020-01-08 [Pied Crow]: Free Kevin!

2020-01-11 [Pied Crow]: Wait, what am l doing making an obscure reference? I have this l wanted to force upon your eyes: <img500*0:stuff/aj/194592/KotMIG2020114168.png>

2020-01-11 [Paul Doyle]: While Ichi and Ni rampage and roar, Kevin only wanted ice cream. 

2020-01-12 [Pied Crow]: So, that's how it is! Poor guy...

2020-01-15 [Mortified Penguin]: <img400*0:stuff/aj/92105/1579063660.jpg>

2020-01-15 [Yuriona]: That is wrong on so many levels. Makes me wanna git ma gun and shoot me a possum!

2020-01-16 [Mortified Penguin]: <img:stuff/aj/92105/1579201904.jpg>

2020-01-16 [Mortified Penguin]: *eats ramen*

2020-01-17 [Paul Doyle]: Meanwhile in the hills of Alabama . . . <img300*0:stuff/aj/11046/PoorPossumPoorUsForEatingThis.jpg>

2020-01-17 [Pied Crow]: So, we're all sure it's "possum" and not "opossum"?

2020-01-17 [Mortified Penguin]: Possums are Australian. Opossums are North American.

2020-01-17 [Pied Crow]: So, that's how it is!

2020-01-20 [Mortified Penguin]: And Oopossums are Canadian.

2020-01-20 [Mortified Penguin]: Which doesn't count as North America. Apparently.

2020-01-28 [Pied Crow]: Mort-bird, don't you have some memes to post?

2020-01-28 [Pied Crow]: I mean, if you leave me alone for long enough, l'll eventually try getting us back on a kaiju topic or something.

2020-01-30 [Alendre]: Opossum Kaiju

2020-01-31 [Paul Doyle]: Guinea Pig Kaiju? Oh wait, "South Park" handled that one already.

2020-02-01 [Mortified Penguin]: <img400*0:stuff/aj/92105/1580576874.jpg>

2020-02-01 [Yuriona]: <img:stuff/k-gif.gif>

2020-02-02 [Pied Crow]: Mort-bird, no! The flavors don't match!

2020-02-02 [Pied Crow]: Speaking of unmatching flavors, Alendre person has a good suggestion. I could go for more furry kaiju!

2020-02-02 [Paul Doyle]: Pink NECCO wafers have an uncanny taste resemblance to Pepto-Bismol. just putting that one out there.

2020-02-02 [Pied Crow]: Ah, that's a good point, Doyle. I don't know what l was doing last night.

2020-02-03 [Yuriona]: Its probably best not to ask such questions. They tend to get answers you wish you didn't know.

2020-02-04 [Pied Crow]: Ain't that the truth!

2020-02-06 [Pied Crow]: Say, I know y'all are aware of sergals, but how about the charr? I really like their hulking build.

2020-02-06 [Pied Crow]: Darn it, l meant... It's almost like they have the stereotypes of sergals, but with the build of the krall.

2020-02-07 [Nuktae-tal]: What?

2020-02-08 [Pied Crow]: Hm... I don't see a typo... Regardless, there a lot of things to "what" at... Which in particular do you need an explanation for?

2020-02-11 [Yuriona]: Perhaps she disagrees with your comparison of charrs having a build of the krall.

2020-02-11 [Mortified Penguin]: Are we talking about different types of cheese in here? WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT DISCUSSING CHEESE ON THE CLOCK?! *bashes Nuk over the head with the register*

2020-02-11 [Mortified Penguin]: Also, table three needs more cheese. They requested Cheddar, but that doesn't really pair well with their wine. Sweet white needs some good Brie, in my opinion. Or perhaps Camembert? Hmm...

"I actually asked for a refill of Sweet T-"

*backhands him across the room*


2020-02-12 [Yuriona]: <img:>

2020-02-12 [Pied Crow]: Hmm... l don't know, it's the closest l could think of. I don't know know words. Broad-chested and wide shoulders...

2020-02-12 [Pied Crow]: Oops, l mean, um...

*slips some eidar cheese onto table three*

2020-02-16 [Alendre]: As someone who makes cheese this thread got exciting

2020-02-17 [Pied Crow]: Thread? l only know this as a wiki with a comment section.

2020-02-17 [Pied Crow]: Huh? And, it seems l brought the wrong kind of cheese over. Hey, Mort-bird, how are we handling customers? The western way of "The Customer is Always Right" or the eastern way of "Have It Our Way"?

2020-02-17 [Paul Doyle]: Opinions on Velveeta? (Mine: quarantine it , or make it available with a prescription only because it is nasty and questionably "cheese" no matter how well it melts)

2020-02-19 [Pied Crow]: Oh......... I actually really like Velveeta... It's liquid gold!

2020-02-19 [Alendre]: Velveeta/American cheese has a special chemical in it that makes it super melty. If you use a little bit with fancier cheese (which can be mealy when melted), it can make an excellent gooey cheese sauce.

2020-02-20 [Pied Crow]: Yeah, I've used that trick before!

2020-02-22 [Mortified Penguin]: <img400*0:stuff/aj/92105/1582378871.jpg>

2020-02-22 [Alendre]: *internal screaming*

2020-02-22 [Pied Crow]: That's...not a trick l've used. No, sir, l don't like it.

2020-02-23 [Mortified Penguin]: <img400*0:stuff/aj/92105/1582487270.jpg>

2020-02-23 [Yuriona]: <img:stuff/exitedN-gif.gif>

2020-02-24 [Pied Crow]: Hmmmm... I don't get it.

2020-02-24 [Alendre]: Joy for there is babycow


2020-02-25 [Paul Doyle]: Udderly moooving.

2020-02-25 [Paul Doyle]: <img500*0:stuff/aj/11046/SocialistCow.png>

2020-02-25 [Pied Crow]: All right. I shared your socialist cow. Does this appease you?

2020-02-27 [Alendre]: Fresh Babs <img500*0:stuff/aj/10203/Frshbab.jpg>

2020-02-27 [Alendre]: I just love babycow so much

2020-02-27 [Pied Crow]: As far as l can tell, this is very wholesome.

2020-03-11 [Mortified Penguin]: <img400*0:stuff/aj/92105/1583951928.jpg>

2020-03-12 [Paul Doyle]: <img500*0:stuff/aj/11046/HaveYouSeenThisPloy.jpg>

2020-03-15 [Nuktae-tal]: I love all of this.

2020-03-17 [Pied Crow]: ... Uh oh. I forgot what blatantly incorrect name l was using for Nuk.

2020-03-17 [Yuriona]: Don't you just come up with a new one every time?

2020-03-17 [Mortified Penguin]: Necktie-towel?

2020-03-17 [Mortified Penguin]: Anyone die of Corona yet? I did.

2020-03-18 [Pied Crow]: Awww, you do pay attention!

2020-03-18 [Pied Crow]: Oh, Mort-bird... I, uh, I'm sorry for your loss.

2020-03-21 [Nuktae-tal]: I am renovating my parents basement and am allergic to the wood we are cutting... does that count as long as I panick about it enough?

2020-03-21 [Pied Crow]: Oh, Nick-the-Talon... I, uh, I'm sorry for your allargaes.

2020-03-22 [Mortified Penguin]: I, on the other hand, refuse to apologize for your allargaes.

2020-03-25 [Paul Doyle]: I am stacking up on Quaker Oats ordered through Liberty Medical, packing on the pounds and growing in a walrus mustache so I can fight off the Diabeetus by watching Wilford Brimley movies.

2020-03-28 [Nuktae-tal]: Diabeetus!!

2020-03-29 [Rainbow Dragonflies]: O - . . . oats . . .

2020-04-05 [Mortified Penguin]: <img400*0:stuff/aj/92105/1586123434.jpg>

2020-04-06 [Paul Doyle]: Pump THIS. Pump it well. :p

2020-04-07 [Yuriona]: Pump the jam?

2020-04-14 [Pied Crow]: Oh, wait, l do have something to say. Strut a pump room!

2020-04-15 [Yuriona]: I have seriously doubts that Bob's Diner has been deemed an essential service. And I refuse to wear those masks. I picked one up and it screamed "AHHH! DON'T TOUCH ME THERE!"

2020-04-17 [Pied Crow]: Sounds like you need to treat your masks better.

2020-04-17 [Yuriona]: All I was trying to do was disinfect it.

2020-04-18 [Paul Doyle]: Oh, that's a mask? Silly me. I thought it was a long term-slow growing and highly localized fungal infestation.

*puts it on* *realizes it was originally a whisper-thin mask but is now a heavy fungus colony filled with spores that built up around the mask* *involuntarily inhales the spores*


*rises again as a 1st Edition Advanced D&D Myconid*

2020-04-18 [Paul Doyle]: *has a special brew!* <img500*0:stuff/aj/11046/Myconid_ErolOtus_A4_1eADD.jpg>

2020-04-18 [Pied Crow]: Oh? What ever shall that do?

2020-04-18 [Yuriona]: *holds out a cup for filling*

2020-04-23 [Nuktae-tal]: HEY! AS FOOD PREP YOU SHOULD BE WEARING THIS HAIR NET!!! *hold up grocery bag.*

2020-04-24 [Yuriona]: No thanks. I brought my own. *pulls out mildew covered shower cap & puts it on*

2020-04-27 [~~Butterfly Angel~~]: ghost mushroom :)

2020-05-03 [Mortified Penguin]: <img400*0:>

Aww yiss! Thrift stores are opening up again! Got me a Godziller for $3.

2020-05-03 [Mortified Penguin]: <img400*0:stuff/aj/92105/1588542368.jpg>

2020-05-03 [Mortified Penguin]: <img400*0:stuff/aj/92105/1588543110.png>

2020-05-03 [Mortified Penguin]: THERE. DAMN YOU, [Elftron], GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.

2020-05-04 [Paul Doyle]: Shin Godzilla still looks like an upright ambulatory hunk of way overdone meat loaf, even in toy form.

2020-05-05 [Pied Crow]: I think Shin Godzilla has nice thighs.

2020-05-06 [Yuriona]: It kinda looks mummified.

2020-05-07 [Sheamus Finn]: I like my Godzilla medium rare this one looks well done

2020-05-07 [Nuktae-tal]: A little crispy in places though...

2020-05-07 [Paul Doyle]: I think next time we want to lay off the irradiated Kingsford barbecue lighter fluid, and stick with the regular stuff.

2020-05-07 [Mortified Penguin]: *a customer suddenly walks in!!*

2020-05-07 [Paul Doyle]: *irradiates the unknowing customer*

2020-05-08 [Draugur dauðans]: holy hell this is alive. I'm alive. How the hell. Also, I love that Godzilla. I just bought the box set of Showa Godzilla movies a few months ago.

2020-05-09 [Pied Crow]: Doyle, don't be so rude!

*gives customer a Scumlabs-sponsored soda*

Five bits.

2020-05-10 [Nuktae-tal]: *opens trenchcoat to reveal Moths!!!* how are these bits?!?!?!

2020-05-10 [Paul Doyle]: furthermore, why are there moths ON the "bits"? O___o

2020-05-10 [Yuriona]: Because they're made of wool of course!

2020-05-11 [Nuktae-tal]: No silly. It's because they BITE!!! Muwahahahaha

2020-05-12 [Paul Doyle]: Are they made out of wood? Do they float?

2020-05-14 [Nuktae-tal]: They drown and die... jeez heartless!!

2020-05-16 [Paul Doyle]: On a three hour tour, a three hour tourrrr . . .

2020-05-16 [Pied Crow]: That's all it was meant to be, but... Aww, that poor ship.

2020-05-17 [Paul Doyle]: <img:stuff/aj/11046/Gilligan%20Trek.jpg>

2020-05-25 [Mortified Penguin]: <img400*0:stuff/aj/92105/1590373306.jpg>

2020-05-25 [Nuktae-tal]: Interesting... not a spaghetti champion mask?

2020-05-25 [Yuriona]: I could have sworn those are what they use at fraternity beer chugging contests.

2020-05-28 [Particle Girl]: oh it's like. kinda active here?

2020-05-28 [Pied Crow]: could say that.

2020-05-28 [Yuriona]: It's only mostly dead, not all dead. If it was all dead there's only one thing you could do.

2020-05-29 [Paul Doyle]: It's a bit like Schrodinger's cat.

2020-05-30 [Mortified Penguin]: YOUR MOM IS MOSTLY DEAD.

2020-05-30 [Mortified Penguin]: Race war seems to have begun. *starts loading beans into his shotgun*

Those goddamn Inuits are finally going to get what they deserve.

2020-06-01 [Nuktae-tal]: If only America stopped treating people like they were special. *sigh*

2020-06-21 [Mortified Penguin]: <img400*0:stuff/aj/92105/1592699342.jpg>

2020-06-23 [Nuktae-tal]: *vomits*

2020-06-25 [Pied Crow]: I'm not cleaning that up.

2020-06-25 [Nuktae-tal]: Me either *goes on strike*

2020-06-26 Cuntface McGee: Sup bitches?!

2020-06-26 Cuntface McGee: *pokes the vomit for I saw something move within, but it just turned out to be a cockroach that got int the way of the vomit*

2020-06-26 Cuntface McGee: *rummages around in the freezer to make room for more dead bodies*

2020-06-26 Cuntface McGee: Why is there a dead penguin in here?! *throws the penguin corpse into a fire I started in the middle of the diner*

2020-06-26 Cuntface McGee: Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.

2020-06-26 Cuntface McGee: What's the difference between hungry and horny? Where you stick the cucumber.

2020-06-26 Cuntface McGee: What's long, green, and smells like bacon? Kermit The Frog's fingers!

2020-06-28 [Nuktae-tal]: Desperate....

2020-07-07 [Mortified Penguin]: *waits patiently in line to order*

2020-07-07 [Nuktae-tal]: *Bursts through the window* hello I am jonist Knoxhead and this is my life!

2020-07-08 [Pied Crow]: Mort-the-Bird, don't do that!
Nuked-the-Bird, what would you like to order?

2020-07-09 [Nuktae-tal]: *drops pants* I WANT PUDDING!!!

2020-07-09 [Pied Crow]: I see. Well, that's one order of pudding!

*waits for someone else to get it*

2020-07-09 [Nuktae-tal]: *pulls up pants and pulls shirt up over head and wraps it like a bad turban around head. Uses high pitched voice.* Salt and pepper for me please!

2020-07-09 [Paul Doyle]: ^^^^^Someone get capuchino for The Great Cornholio, STAT!

(15h ago) [Pied Crow]: Hmmmmmm... I dunno. I'm still waiting on that pudding. Or for Mort-bird to make an order.

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